I cried today.

Not because someone died or I received bad news, not because I watched a sad movie, and not because I watched one of those Facebook videos about soldiers surprising their loved one -- those get me every time. No, I cried watching an episode of Cake Boss. It wasn’t even the episode where Buddy’s mom is diagnosed with ALS -- I would cry then since my Papa died of ALS five years ago. I cried because Buddy gave a cake to friends of his who owned a delicatessen, and the man cried upon receiving his cake. I know, pathetic right?

I’ve always been the girl who was too emotional because I cry at literally everything.

I cry when I’m too happy, I cry when I’m too sad. To echo Kristen Bell, if I’m not between a four and a seven on the emotional scale, I’m crying. I’ve cried when someone told me about a time that they cried. I’m an emotional crier, so I cry at the thought of someone else crying.

Personally, I like crying; I think of it as a bath for the soul, a therapeutic experience that leaves me refreshed and relaxed. There are a couple downsides, however. I’m a really really ugly crier, sometimes my make-up (so just mascara) is on point, and I end up smudging it, or my contacts get all funky, and I have to put on my glasses which aren’t even my correct prescription. So yeah, it’s a bit of an inconvenience sometimes, but I think the biggest downside to me being emotional and crying easily is the judgment.

People often make fun of me for crying so easily. I was over at a friend’s house a few weekends ago and we watched “About Time.” I won’t ruin the movie for those of you who haven’t seen it, but toward the end of the movie, there’s a pretty emotional scene that sent me over the edge. Of course, I cried. It wasn’t just some tears and a little sniffling, though. I was full on sobbing at this movie that I had seen several times before. My friends who I was with, God love them, teased me and made fun of me for crying, not believing how upset I was because of a movie I had seen before. Now I knew they weren’t doing it to be malicious or make me feel bad about myself and I understand that, but sometimes it still hurts to be made fun of for being so emotional. I know it’s something I need to get a better grip on, especially since I’m a teacher and I need to hold it together in front of my students, but I’m an emotional person.

It’s who I am. And I’m done apologizing for it.

You see, I’ve learned some things about my emotions. Things that I think you need to hear if you’re the “Emotional Girl” like me. I’ve learned that not allowing myself to express my emotions is to stuff things down and not allow myself to be authentically me. If I hide my emotions, how can I allow myself to be wholly me in every area of my life?

I understand my experiences in the world based on my emotions -- I see a puppy; I start to tear up because my heart is overflowing with joy at seeing a dog. Some people, not going to mention any names, have called me immature and childlike because of it. But I cry when I’m happy, and if I express my happiness and joy for something through tears is that really such a bad thing? I need to acknowledge my emotions and try to discern how they point me to something deeper that’s going on – in this instance, the deeper is the overflowing joy I have inside of me. That joy comes from choosing to live a lifestyle of joy, one found in Christ.

I used to let something simple, like the opinions of others, stop me in my tracks. Stop me from being authentically me, who I was created to be. We were created to be emotional beings -- they are our responses to the world around us. By not responding to my world, but hiding what I truly felt, I wasn’t allowing God to use me where I’m at. Use my hospitality, my joy, my kindness, my exuberance, my differences. My me. I learned that I needed to allow God to use me where I’m at. If I’m fighting Him, running away from circumstances because they require me to be emotional, I’m not truly following His plan for my life. I’m not following the script he has for my life, one that has quite more emotion than others. By following this script I can do the things that God has innately wired into me. I won’t lie and say that that script doesn’t hurt sometimes.

Several months ago I was extremely hurt by someone who had claimed to love me, but when it came down to it I was told my flaws and faults made me not good enough. With that hurt came a litter of broken dreams. My broken dreams are not a bad thing, though. I’m scared of my dreams being broken when oftentimes the dreams I have are not the dreams God has in store for me. He takes my dreams and he shifts them to fit His dreams and plans for my life, emotions and all. I let loose and allowed myself to feel every emotion that was in me, emotions I didn’t even know I had in me. By feeling, by following God’s emotional script for my life, I healed. I let myself be intimately and fully me.

Our emotions can also be a blessing to others as well. If I let myself be me and express my emotions, I create a space for others to enter into their emotions. The emotions of others showed me it’s okay to be emotional. Our emotions can help others grow in their own development and understanding of their own emotions. Just as I did, they can feel life, not just think about it.

By being emotional, we give permission to others and ourselves to not be strong and perfect. Because we are not perfect. We are meant to make mistakes, grow, hurt, love, and live. And we are meant to show our emotions through that. Our emotions are a part of life and a part of being human. Christ himself cried. Yes, he was 100% God but was also 100% man. He felt emotions just as we feel emotions. One of the most powerful verses in the Bible is “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Jesus' crying showed his humanity. He knew Lazarus would rise again, but he didn’t shove his emotions down. He didn’t force himself to not cry simply because he knew the end of the story. He let himself feel.

I used to shove my emotions down -- never cry at movies, try not to cry when I heard bad news, and leave the room when other people cried. I thought it would make me too vulnerable and people would see me as weak if I cried at something like the ending scene in “Gladiator.” I tried putting my emotions in a bubble that I only popped when I was alone or when I felt like it was justifiable for me to show emotions such as at a funeral. But life is not meant to be lived in a bubble. Things WILL wound and affect us and it is okay for life to impact us. Grinning and bearing it isn’t our only option and shouldn’t be our only option. Maybe you’ve never expressed your emotions before, thinking it’ll make you weak or you’re scared of being so vulnerable. Learn to trust new narratives about your emotions. Live more humanly. Be more real.

Embrace your emotions.