To the girl who made me cry:
You won. You got the guy (temporarily…I mean come on, didn’t you know, once a cheater, always a cheater?). He chose you, and he left me.
But did you know that while we were dating he hand wrote me a three-page letter explaining why he loved me? “I love you for your wild and mysterious side…I love your smile, and your laugh makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.” Should I continue? Because I could. You took away the guy I thought was the love of my life.
Or did you know that while you two dated he still gave me letters? “We don’t talk anymore, but I really hope that you’re doing well,” the first one read, not even two weeks into your relationship with him. “I hate what I did to you, and I don’t regret contacting you last night,” even though you forbid him from speaking to me. By doing that, you also forbid me the opportunity to get proper closure. Or my favorite yet, “I was wrong…I love you. I always have, always will. I am pushing [her] away because there isn’t any room left; I am holding on to you.” I got that one FOUR months into your relationship with him, almost five months after he and I broke up.
Some may call me bitter; some may simply say I need to move on with my life; some may say who cares? All valid points, and all probably true as well. But it is actually quite sick, to think of how many times I have thought about your classless self, and how much I deeply hope that one day you understand the amount of pain and hurt that you have caused me.
They say that there are two kinds of girls a guy cheats with: the girl who he is playing and doesn’t know he has a girlfriend, or the girl who already knows he’s in a relationship. Everyone feels bad for the girl who didn’t know he had a girlfriend because she got played as well. On the other hand, there is no sympathy for the girl who knew about the relationship. She is seen as a slut and a homewrecker. She is seen as heartless, and that is exactly what I saw you as.
It took me a little longer than I would like to admit to learn the truth; the terrible truth--he was cheating on me. And I found out through a mutual friend of ours, nonetheless. The poor soul didn’t realize that I hadn’t known either; it had come up so casually. “I don’t know how you can still be with him after he cheated on you…” she said with so much innocence. She wasn’t trying to hurt me, unlike you.
Yes, I get it--we all make mistakes. But this wasn’t a mistake to you--it was what you had wanted all along. It was a way to get the guy who you wanted, and get back at me at the same time.
You would think I would still hate you, because you did to another woman what all women fear most, but I don't hate you. Not anymore at least. I won’t lie; I hated you passionately, and for nearly a year. But I got over it. You are not worth the bitterness and hatred I held in my heart. Hating two people (you and him) for such a long time made life much more difficult for me. It made moving on more difficult, as well.
I would see you around school, or I would see you with him and I would start shaking. This was caused by a mixture of hatred, anger and pure sadness. The boy that I loved with every ounce of my being had cheated on me, and in the end, he chose you, so I hope you’re happy. You played a major role in breaking my heart.
But I guess the sole point of this letter is for me to finally get some sort of closure – to put how I feel and how I felt into words, and to finally put it out in the open that I no longer hate you. I have chosen forgiveness, and I finally feel a little better.
Sincerely,
The girl whose heart you helped to break
