My mom passed away on October 25th, 2016, at 5:31 pm; 388 days after she was diagnosed with cancer. I had 388 days left with my mom, and I didn't even know until after the fact. However, I believe that there was a sort of beauty in not knowing. If I were told that my days with her were limited, I would have spent more time counting down, rather than actually enjoying them to their full potential. Ultimately, the last year that I was given to spend with my mom was a gift from God.

The First Fall:

The ground crackled as we circled around the familiar, grandiose, gravel driveway of Levi's Pumpkin Patch. Going there was the first thing that we did every Fall. Normally, we just picked out a pumpkin and left, but this time we had a cute little photo shoot. We didn't know that this would be the last time that my mom would ever go; we were just glad to be there.

On November 7th, I snuck out of the house in order to surprise my mom for her birthday. I went to Martin's to pick up her cake, but I ended up spending over 100 dollars in gifts and balloons and ice cream. I honestly have no idea what else could have been so special at Martin's. As soon as I got to my car, I immediately thought to myself "wow, she's going to be mad." So I ran in with about half of the gifts that I bought and threw them up on the customer service counter and explained my impulsiveness. It knocked the bill down to around 30 dollars. When I walked through the door, my mom flashed me a beautiful smile, and said that I had made it the best birthday that she had ever had. It would also be her last.

By the time of my 17th Birthday, that was less than a week later, she had started chemotherapy, and was excruciatingly sick. Throughout the day, she had toughed it out and put on her signature smile. I didn't know that she had felt sick until we tried to go out for dinner, and she could barely sit in her seat. She kept wincing and her eyes were drooping. I took her home immediately. She apologized to me multiple times on the ride home for ruining my birthday. She could have never. In the back of my mind, I had a feeling that there was a possibility that she could not live to see my 18th. I told her,

“ Mom, you have already given me everything that I need to be happy in this world, and nothing less.”

She smiled. She will not be with me on my 18th birthday next Sunday.

Thanksgiving morning came shortly afterwards, and as someone who adores eating, I found it to be a wonderful holiday. Once I woke up, I turned on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, as we did every year. Normally, we had a pretty private holiday. My parents cooked dinner at home, and we shared the meal with just our immediate family. However, this year, cooking was too exhausting for my mom, so we traveled to my cousin Wendy’s house for dinner. Since she had begun to lose her hair, my mom wore the wig that we had just picked out together; that was also the last time she wore it because she hated it. I remember the first thing she did when we got home was take it off and put on one of her soft caps. That was more like it.

The Last Winter:

On Christmas morning, I had the energy of a 5 year old. My mom and I loved Christmas, but we weren't the type of people to count down the days. We just loved to sit back and breathe in the entire season all at once. The smells, the traditions, the decorations, we loved it all, and we loved to make it last. I can remember trying to wake up as late as possible, but that was still at an ungodly hour, of course. I walked into the living room to see my mom arranging presents under the tree. She was sitting next to my dog, Katie. She turned around and said “ Merry Christmas, beautiful,” and then, “your cat is an idiot.” My cat, April, had been apparently racing up and down the line of presents while my mom was trying to put bows on. Once the morning died down some, my mom had told me that she couldn't remember a better Christmas in the entire 52 years that she had lived. That made my heart so warm that it traveled all the way to my cheeks as I started to grin from ear to ear.

One day in January, it snowed like crazy, ( for Virginia, of course.) My mom LOVED snow days. Mainly because she used to be a bus driver and that meant paid days off, but she really did love having me home from school. This was the biggest storm that we had seen in awhile. It ended up being a foot and a half, which is not common here. Every hour I would go outside with my ruler and stuff it in the tightly packed wall of snow. Each time we couldn't believe how much it had grown. It just kept growing, growing and growing. The next morning, Katie had to go for a walk, so I volunteered. She didn't make it 5 steps into the driveway; she loved snow, but she had never experienced it that deep before. I ended up having to carry that 25 pound butterball all the way up the hill of our driveway. We fell a few times to say the least. I eventually made it to the road, where we both walked on the tire tracks. When we made it back to the house, I had to call my mom to send my brother out to help us get back in. Apparently, I can’t lift more than 25 pounds. My mom thought that little ol' me carrying our super chunky Katie was the most hilarious thing ever, especially the part about us falling, after she knew we were okay, of course.

During the early beginnings of spring and the tail end of winter, Katie took a turn for the worse. My mom and Katie were best friends, they spent their entire day together. From the time they woke up, until the went back to sleep again. When she woke up with breathing troubles one morning, we all knew it was her time to go. My mom, Ben and I cried like crazy at the thought of having to put her down. She was the best dog that my mom had ever had, and she had had a lot of dogs. On the morning that my mom was going to take her to the vet to be put down, Katie had passed out on the floor in front of our shoes. My mom swooped down and resuscitated her. She always had said that she had no idea why she resuscitated her just to go put her to sleep, but I always knew. My mom loved her so much, that she didn't want to see her die while slopped up next to the shoes. She wanted her to go peacefully, and she did.

The Last Spring:

After 3 weeks of my mom saying “ I want a puppy,” I found another Cairn Terrier in West Virginia, and we went. I ditched the pep rally that Friday, came home and picked her and my brother up, and then headed for Ripley, West Virginia. It was the first time that I had driven out of state, and the longest I had driven in general. After ALL that way, we had entered the town of Ripley, and could not find where in the world our hotel was. It had just freshly rained, so the lights caused the lines on the road to be practically invisible. Nonetheless, we were freaking out. Eventually, after 30 minutes of driving and pulling over to calm down, we found our hotel to be right near the entrance. The next morning, it was snowing, so my mom took over the driving. She drove us literally up a mountain in the pouring down snow. We must have really wanted that puppy. We eventually arrived to the house that we saw in the photo online. A lady was standing outside with a gift bag, and our puppy. She handed her to my mom, and my mom melted. She was sweet, shivering, and ours. We named her Sadie. On the car ride home, she could not have been a better puppy. She slept on my arm, and curled up in my brother’s lap. We thought that we had struck gold. We stopped to sleep in Waynesboro, VA, because my mom just couldn't go any further without rest. We sat Sadie down on the floor of our hotel, and we had finally met the Tasmanian devil that we know and love today. She didn't calm down until she plopped down at the foot of my mom and I’s bed. My mom whispered immediately, we’re in trouble with this one.

About a month later, it was time for prom. Because I was a Junior, it was my first prom ever, so I was undoubtedly excited to go with my long-term boyfriend, Bradley. My mom and I had picked out this beautiful, flowing pink dress from David’s Bridal in the midst of all the puppy shenanigans. The problem with me and prom is the fact that dresses have to be long, and I’m 5’2 and have never worn a pair of heels in my life. My mom worked her butt off to get that dress the right length for me, and I was still tripping over it. That wasn’t the end of it though, I had went to my normal salon to get my hair done, Shear Image, but I had been placed with a different lady than normal. It wasn’t two minutes into the process and she stopped, and invited 5 people to come and check out my scalp. They accused me of having lice. I almost threw up. They kicked me out, and I ran to my car, in the rain, and cried. I called my mom, and she couldn't understand me through the tears, so she rushed over. I told her, and then she checked my head thoroughly to find nothing but a dry scalp, and marched back in; she was a ticking time bomb. I loved seeing my mom like this. I don’t know why. There was something about seeing such a sweet lady completely heated that was extremely amusing. She let them have it. What she said was perfect, and they were completely dumbfounded. They had known my mom, because I had been going there so long, but this, this was new to them. We walked out the door, and never went back. We spent the rest of the afternoon, as angry Christians do, praying for their ignorance and writing them terrible yelp reviews. I ended up doing my own hair, and if I do say so myself, I looked pretty great that night.

The Last Summer:

The last day of my Junior year had arrived. I only had one exam, and was home by 9 am. That night, My brother, my mom and I drove to Richmond for Sadie’s first night of puppy obedience school. We went back every Wednesday. During that summer, I felt many moments where I wished I could just stay in that spot for eternity; going to the Richmond Dog Obedience Club was one of them. We would drive to McDonald’s first to eat a very unhealthy dinner, and then we would spend the rest of the night playing with puppies; It was the best feeling in the world. However, the last week, the day of Sadie’s test, and I was out of town on a mission trip with my church. Thus, my mom had to run the show that night, and she was so nervous that she wouldn't be able to do it because of her pain. I was all the way in Charleston, SC, and worried to death. The next thing I knew, I received a picture of my mom and Sadie on my phone. Sadie passed her test, and was the most well performed puppy there. God was really looking out for us.

The second week of August, we headed to our favorite place on earth: Virginia Beach. It’s nothing too fancy, but sometimes being simple is the best way to be. The night before we were scheduled to leave, my mom got terribly sick. We had no idea what was going on, but her chest was tight as a rock. We ended up not leaving for the beach until late in the afternoon. She was scared to go, but I thank God that we went. It was my first time driving to Virginia Beach, so I was in for a treat with all of the traffic coming my way. When we finally made it there, I felt like my ankle was about to break off. My mom was still not feeling up to par, so, after Ben and I unloaded the car, we order a pizza and watched High School Musical 2 together in the room. We had made it to the beach, and that was all that mattered. The next morning, we walked across the street to eat breakfast. It was a hard walk for my mom, especially on the first go around. I was terrified that she was about to pass out on me. We finally made it to the Sunnyside Café, and my mom couldn't keep her eyes open. Once our waiter brought us our drinks, she took a sip of coke and came back to life. It was like magic. After breakfast, we went next door to the Sunstation. This became our daily routine. The first time, I bought my mom a beautiful royal blue beach chair. It was the most comfortable chair that she had ever had. We walked out on the beach, my mom sat down in her chair, and the cancer melted from every inch of her body onto the sand, and was swept away with the tide of the ocean. I was on my towel next to her with my arms and legs embraced in the gritty and warm texture of the sand. This was a moment that I could have stayed in for the rest of eternity. We were both truly at peace, for the first time in a long time.

The Last Fall:

The day before the start of my senior year, I was lying next to my mom in a hospital bed. I knew instantly that this school year was going to suck. My mom had taken a turn for the worse, and they eventually cut her off from her treatment. We tried to find her treatment in Houston, Texas, but time was moving too slow. She was sent home on Hospice care in the middle of October.

The last Sunday she was with me, I bought her a pumpkin. It was from Walmart and not Levi’s, but she looked at me with that signature smile and said that it was the most beautiful pumpkin that she had ever seen. She passed away that Tuesday. I was with her from the diagnosis until her very last breath. Now, she will be with me in my heart until mine. I love you with all of my heart, mom. I know that we could have gone on for 50 more fantastic years, but I thank you for sharing with me the greatest last year of your life.