I took a class a couple years back about happiness and how to create happiness in your life. Although, at the time, I resented going and thought the whole thing was going to be some cliché. Now that I have had some time to reflect on it there is one idea that has made a huge impact on me; it is the idea of getting rid of “should”. Getting rid of the idea that you deserve something out of this world. Getting rid of your idea of what the world should be according to your rules and instead focusing on how the world is.

Letting go of the idea of what you want the world to look like is much easier said than done, and I am still reminding myself to let go of my expectations and focus on the world the way it is. I started with my relationships because this was always something I struggled with. I imagined my relationships were going to be like they show in the movies, laughing together, going on long walks on the beach, getting surprised with a million flowers for no reason, all those rom-com clichés. So of course, when real life was nothing like this, I always felt a little disappointment. A little part of me would say “what is wrong with me? Do I not deserve all these things?” These are really sad, detrimental thoughts. And what was causing them? The people I was dating were perfectly fine people, could I blame them for not being movie perfect? Could I blame the media for giving me this false idea of what a relationship looked like? There was no one to blame but myself for making my idea of what a relationship should look like, more important, than enjoying how it really was.

When I started dating my current partner, I made a decision to look at the relationship the way it is, not the way I think I should be. In a partnership between two people, they both go in having an idea of what they want it to be like, and they can’t both have it exactly the way they feel it should be. So I decided to let go. I decided to focus on all the amazing things he is, and all the things he does for me, without comparing them to some standard I felt I deserved. I don’t expect that he brings me flowers every night. I don’t expect that he washes the dishes right away and always puts the toilet seat down.

I don’t expect all these things from him, but he does them anyway. My boyfriend treats me like a queen, spends time with me like a best friend, and tells me every single day how much he loves me. He is one of the best things to ever happen to me and I love him for who he is, not how he makes me feel. He might not always pick up his socks, or do the dishes, or remember to put the toilet seat down but I don’t feel angry at him when he doesn’t do these things, instead I feel appreciative when he does. I remind myself that I don’t deserve for him to do these things. There isn’t a rule that says he should do something because I want him to. He is a grown up and an individual and he doesn’t owe me anything. He does these things because he knows I appreciate it when he does, but I have no right to get angry at him if he doesn’t do them. I am also a grown up and an individual who is more than capable of doing these things myself.

This way of thinking means so much to me because it reassures me that I love him for who he is as a person and not the things he does for me. It empowers me because I know that every day I choose to love him and to keep him in my life, and that I have power over my life. By letting go of the idea that I deserve good things, I appreciate the good things more because I know that I made it happen. It is validation that I am making good choices for myself and it makes me appreciate how wonderful my life is and how wonderful my relationship is.