There is a series of thoughts that go through a woman's mind when met with disrespectful attention from a stranger. We experience disgust, anger, self-consciousness, self-defensiveness and the desperate need to run away quickly all at once. The phenomenon of catcalling is as timeless as it is uncomfortable. I think I speak for all women when I say that we wish that catcalling would come to a screeching halt. In spirit of the widely popular hashtag #YesAllWomen which highlights the belief that all women have at least once been a victim to misogyny, allow me to shine a light on what you might as well be saying when you call at us from behind:
"You are not worthy of intellectual conversation."
The truth is, if a man believes in his heart of hearts that he could capture a woman's attention by making strange noises and yelling profanities, he is likely not the most intellectually conscious human being. This provides a slight validation that the catcalling is not personal but a learned habit. Still, that doesn't take away from the momentary feeling of violation that inevitably follows. There is a way to approach an attractive woman while still applying moral conduct. Come on now. Calling out to a woman as if she were an obedient piece of property that should automatically shift her direction toward you upon your command is certainly not the right way.
What you say and how you present yourself to a woman is everything to her when it comes to her judgement of your character. She is right to pass you by if you fail to ask her name in the midst of your slurring. We are told that if we continue walking, the calling will eventually stop. But every woman has gone through the internal battle within themselves at least once: Do I walk briskly by or yell "HOW DARE YOU?" Now, our innate reaction would be the ladder. It's near impossible not to take the disrespect personally. Don't you know that I am a woman who respects herself? Don't you know how wrong this is? Don't you know what I've been through? The truth is, you probably don't. And at the end of the encounter, his lack of regard is your problem and we come away reminded of our strong feminine values know that we ARE worthy of intellectual stimulation. We all learn something here.
"I am violating you, but it is okay because I haven't touched you yet."
NO. There is never going to be a time in which it is okay to disrespect a woman through your words. After all, a spoken word is an action's wing-man. There is no such thing as harmless degradation. Whether you have active intentions to follow through on your promises of what you'd like to "do to her" or not, the second those words hit her ears her entire body is violated. And never mind guessing what is being imagined about us in someone else's head, it is violating enough that we are expected to respond and requite these efforts. And ladies, it is not a 'sensitive woman' thing you are experiencing... make no mistake, if violation is felt then violation is occurring. The body does not need to be touched for the feeling to be validated. There is harm in verbal harassment- not only because of where it may lead but the harm in using derogatory words stands alone.
"You only have one thing to offer."
Ladies, most of us have had to battle the societal dangers of over-sexualization at some point or another. Whether this battle was internal or external, every single one of us has dealt with the issue of being taken advantage of. If you are like me you, you place a strong value on self-respect. A "woke" woman should. It may have taken you a few mistakes to get there, but you are there and no man on Earth (nor the street you are walking) deserves to test that. But alas, that doesn't stop them from trying. That's when we have to call upon our greater knowledge. His negative attention may momentarily throw us for a loop- mainly because we cannot believe he just said that AND thought he was complimenting us- but we will always come back to ourselves and remember our true sense of worth. And once we do that, it sure makes his calling sound quite silly. It's terrible that we hear words daily that test it- but the consciousness of our self-love always passes. We walk on.
"I am only going to waste your time and you deserve much better than what I am doing."
If there is one thing to take away from being catcalled, it is that we are worth so much better than the disrespect we are being shown. It may be difficult, in the moment, to overcome the feeling of boundary violation. Rather than fearing we are unworthy of being treated with the proper respect, we can choose awareness- awareness of our inner voice, the personal values we hold close and of what we choose to accept as our worth. The decision to walk away with our heads held high is a result of believing that we, as women, do have a say in what we allow even if the world around us does not always realize it- Dignity is a constant resource always available to us because it lies within us. We may not be able to control the way we are spoken to. We can only control what we say to ourselves- choose words of love and honor your feminine power.
