I get it. I didn’t get it before, but I get it now.

Letting go of control is the best feeling in the world.

Whenever I went around in a small group and people asked me what I was struggling with I always said, “I just need to give control to God.” Everyone would nod in agreement like we were all struggling with it. While we all established that it was something we had to work on, it never seemed like we were actually doing anything to work on it; at least for me. That is until sometime last week.

I thought if I prayed to God asking Him to take control that He would do it. But looking back I never really relinquished any control. While I would find things in my day that I thought I was giving Him, I held on to plans that were more important to me. I let Him have the fact that I was going to be five minutes early to a class instead of ten minutes because I like to be punctual. I let Him have the early mornings when I didn’t want to go to class but forced myself out of bed. I even let Him have some friendships that I truly thought He wanted to have even though I didn’t want to give up.

But, I didn’t let him have everything.

I kept hold as to how I was going to pay for college. I held on to my anxiety about studying abroad to a foreign place. I kept tight who I thought “The One” would be. I saved my anger towards people who had hurt me in my past. I reserved my dream house and family life for my own selfish pleasure. I continued to hate myself for things that I had done. I wanted those parts of my life so badly to be something I kept because…well honestly I don’t even have a good enough reason.

Here is why I say that. I know God is big enough to handle my problems. I know that He has a better plan than I ever will for my life. I know that His promises reign true. I know all these truths about God and yet I found a way to distort them. My whole life I spent trying to straighten out these curves that God had placed in my life. For so long I convinced myself that I wanted a certain timeline for my life and God was going to pull through because I deserved it and I was faithful to Him. Stop laughing because I know you all thought the same thing at one point in your life.

But it’s true. We take what our family, friends, society, schools, teachers, and work and we come up with this idea of what our life should be like. I’m not trying to say that having goals and standards are bad in any sort. What I am trying to say is that if anything goes off track, we blame God because we think He failed us. We think God failed us. Let that sink in for a minute. It seems a little ironic considering He sent his only son to die for our sins.

Anyways, so God sends us curveballs in our life that doesn’t match up with our plans and we blame Him. Why? Well because our tiny human brains can’t see the big picture, but guess who does? You guessed it. When you can’t pay the bills or you spill your lunch on yourself in front of your crush or you have bad anxiety, it is easy to think that God is trolling us; like He enjoys watching us suffer. It’s not true. God doesn’t even allow suffering. I could go on about that, but I’ll save it for another time. The point is that instead of worrying about your plans going off path, roll with the punches. I can guarantee what you are thinking, “Easier said than done.”

Want to know how I know that? Because I have spent the past nineteen years thinking that. I don’t expect each and every one of you who reads this to think that giving up control is easy. But I do promise this: it is freedom. It is a weight lifted off of your shoulders. You no longer have to worry because God provides. He has a perfect plan for your life. You don’t have to worry who you are going to marry. You don’t have to worry how you are going to finish school. You don’t have to worry about how you are going to pay your bills. This is not to say to not do your homework or go to work, but give up all the extra anxiety that you build up because life is hard. You don’t need it. God provides.

Once you realize that you honestly don’t have to worry about those little details, the feeling of pure joy enters your life and it is priceless. There is a sense of peace that can’t be explained. I urge you my brothers and sisters in Christ to have an epiphany. God has got your back. He holds you in the palm of His mighty hands. Nothing can hold you back. As cheesy as this may sound, it is extremely important to remember: Let go and let God.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)