Last semester, I took a fantastic psychology class called Relationship Process and Emotion. Five out of five stars. The professor was a snappy mixture of knowledge and dry humor, and the textbook he assigned was even better. I read it cover to cover, despite the embarrassment of carrying around a small paperback entitled “Intimate Relationships” (featuring an ardently making-out couple on the front). In one of the sidebars, the author addresses "Unrequited Love," and he doesn’t pull any punches.

Here is what you and I already know: It sucks to love with someone who doesn’t love you back. The initial or continued rejection aside, it feels pathetic. Some people are persistent, some people try to stay friends, some people try to cut their losses and move on. Some turn to Taylor Swift quotes:

"I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It's just as crushing and just as thrilling...what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind...You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly."

And for some of us, it helps. When you come at it from that angle, it doesn’t feel so pathetic—really, they should be grateful. I’m an awesome person. Thanks, Taylor.

I am not going to lie, that’s where I was at when this quote from my smutty-looking textbook hit me right in the face:

“It’s actually worse to be the target of someone’s undesired adoration...those on the receiving end of unrequited love often find their pursuers’ persistence to be intrusive and annoying, and they usually feel guilty when they turn their ardent pursuers down. They are usually nice ‘well-meaning people who find themselves caught up in another person’s emotional whirlwind and who themselves often suffer acutely as a result.’”

Maybe that seems harsh, but there it is, straight from the pen of Rowland S. Miller, renowned researcher/professor of psychology. (And happily married for 26 years according to his bio. Thank you for rubbing salt in the wound, Rowland.)

So the moral of the story? You are not doing either of you any favors by loving someone who does not love you back.

You may be doing them a lot of literal favors, but that is beside the point.

Also, please stop—have some dignity.

(Addressing myself, right now.)

Furthermore, rejecting you does not make them a bad person. They (probably) did not mean to lead you on. They can't control how they feel any more than you can. If you love someone who does not love you back, you need to leave them alone. Do not let them get caught in your whirlwind. Go spin around somewhere else until it dies down, no matter how long that takes. Because if you really love someone, you don’t make it their problem.