It's application season at UCLA, which means students are given yet another opportunity to procrastinate on something important. Applications are incredibly difficult parts of college life, because being honest about your accomplishments can be almost as difficult as accomplishing things. But sometimes, it's easier to be too honest about things... so here is what you really want to say on your application, but can’t.
1. Why do you want to be a part of (insert organization here)? What diversity can you bring to our organization?
I just really believe in the mission statement of this organization and I love to help people and put all my effort into planning something worthwhile and amazing for UCLA. I want to leave a lasting impression and a legacy through (insert organization). But above all, I just have no friends and I like to party. Please take me.
2. What is your favorite UCLA memory?
Oh, great, what crap do I have to make up to put here….
3. Why did you choose to attend UCLA?
Brown didn’t want me.
4. Share what makes you happy in less than 50 words.
Puppies, Netflix, and delivery guys who come to the door of your apartment instead of making you walk out to meet them.
5. One goal of (insert organization here) is to connect students through programs and events. Why do you think this is important?
It’s probably important to know people other than your mom.
6. What time commitments do you currently have? How do you see these affecting your commitment to (insert organization here)?
Honestly, I don’t have much going on, but if I could have the least responsibility possible whilst still maintaining a presence in this club, that would be ideal. If I get a call about something urgent, I will more likely than not dodge the message and make up an excuse later.
7. What past work experience/extracurriculars do you have? How will these activities contribute to the job you will have in (insert organization here)?
Well, personally, I’ve worked at an OB/GYN office, so unless you need me to put in a refill request for your birth control or have questions about the insurance coverage of your hysterosalpingogram, I can’t help you very much…
However, I am a breathing human-being who speaks English, which I believe is a universally beneficial trait for any position I may fill.
9. Would you be interested in taking a leadership position? Why or why not?
I do especially enjoy telling others what to do, but then, I would have to deal with little brats. Kind of how you have to deal with me.
10. If you were an animal, what would you be?
I'm Asian and clumsy, so a panda, probably.
11. Please attach something that describes you.
I’m really blunt.
