Internet star Elijah Daniel gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "going straight to Hell" earlier last week. You may recognize Daniel as the author of "Trump Temptation: The Billionaire and the Bellboy," a published erotic fiction about President Donald Trump, or as the partner to fellow YouTube comedian Christine Sydelko. But on August 30th, Elijah expanded his skill set to the world of politics as the new mayor - or should we say "gayor" - of Hell.
No, not the Hell from your Bible stories about a scary red demon surrounded by fire. Although, this place apparently isn't much better. Hell is a small town in Michigan with a population of just over 250 people. The area serves as more of a tourist attraction for passersby, where you can play miniature golf, rent kayaks, and eat at the appropriately named "Crematory" (which is apparently an ice cream parlor).
Why anyone would ever want to go to Hell, I'm not quite sure. But Elijah's quest to be the mayor of Hell was inspired by none other than President Trump. After all, if a reality television star can be President, why can't a YouTube sensation be a town mayor?
Daniel's reign was short lived after his first official proclamation to ban all heterosexuals from the town. The documentation provided by Daniel to make this declaration was highly based off of the documentation provided by Trump to put in place the Muslim ban. The biggest difference being, of course, that Muslims were replaced by heterosexuals. The documentation, which you can view here, reads this:
"I, Elijah Daniel, acting mayor of Hell, Michigan, hereby ban all heterosexuals from entering the town of Hell, Michigan.
Growing up, I was always told that homosexuals would go to Hell, now the heterosexuals are trying to take this from us too.
As of today, August 2017, I am establishing new vetting measures to keep radical heterosexuals out of our town. We want to ensure that we are not admitting into our town the very heterosexual threats we are fighting against. The straights coming into our town, procreating, having more straight children, to take our rightfully gay jobs. We only want to admit those into our town who will support our town and love deeply our people. I currently feel as if it would just be safer to ban all heterosexuality until we can access the situation further and build a strategy to resolve our problem.
Our number one responsibility and priority is to protect Hell. We are a compassionate town, and we support the heterosexuals, but it's time to reevaluate and strengthen our vetting process. And we can no longer in good conscience allow straights to enter. However, we will not deport heterosexuals out of our town. Any heterosexuals currently residing in Hell will instead be charged an $84,000 reproductive precautionary deposit, which will be returned after one year of abstinence from any heterosexual activities.
We will also be offering a heterosexual reparative therapy program for hetero residents who would like to denounce their heterosexuality and become gay like the rest of the town. The therapy is not mandatory for heterosexual residents, but it is highly encouraged as all hetero residents who do not participate in reparative therapy will be required wear a scarlet H and meet in the town center at 5:30 am wearing cargo shorts every morning to be publicly straight-shamed.
Thank you for your cooperation in this tough time, together we will Make Hell Great Again."
Of course, the news of this ban was posted on Twitter in true DJT fashion, along with a series of other tweets about Daniels' time as Mayor of Hell.
