The big city is every gay man’s dream, but before you order a moving van, you should know all about being gay in the city; the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The Good
1.You don’t feel like a minority.
The sense of pride in LGBT communities is far more prominent in bigger cities like New York, where you actually develop a feeling of normalcy. Some would even go as far as to swear homosexuals are the majority, just ask your girlfriend who keeps hitting on the wrong guy at the bar.
2. You’ll have plenty of opportunities.
Living in New York City, gay men tend to come in every size, shape and color. You’ll find men at any age ranging from 18 to Dead. Some like ‘em hot, some like ‘em cold, some like ‘em smoking pot, fit, not old. But with so many more options, you may even find your generic “type” altered to a more realistic expectation. Or not! You could most definitely find your ideal caring and sensitive man with steel abs, wavy hair, and bright blue eyes - all for four easy payments to Grindr Extra and a plane ticket back to earth. But just because no one is picture perfect, doesn’t mean you won’t find something truly beautiful. In simple terms, New York is like changing your Distance Preference on Tinder from 20 miles to the entire continent. A lot of left swipes.
3. Straight money talks. Gay money sings.
Within the last decade, a culture of Gay Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy relationships has stretched into an almost common encounter for many gays, especially in the Big Apple. While Sugar Daddies have probably existed since our forefathers came up with the idea of money, Gay Sugar Daddies are not only gaining popularity, but allotting young “Sugar Babies” a method to gain some extra cash for tasks as simple as going to dinner or attending a business party. Not to be confused with Prostitution, Sugar Babies are paid for their time and company rather than sexual favors.
4. GBF isn’t just for girls anymore.
With so many flamboyant guys n' gals rubbing shoulders on every corner of Manhattan, you’ll find that gay friends are typical and “so in right now.” By just going to a gay bar or even being introduced through a friend, gay friendships in New York tend to sink or swim. Usually when two gay males meet, the social tensions based on their sexuality quickly places them in a position to consider the other as a possible companion. Being gay, society has the assumption that any male within the five-mile radius holds their fancy. And while it is New York City, where most have seemed to move past that assumption, the idea of automatic attraction still exists, especially between two gay males. But as others cluelessly wonder why two gay males are civilly talking like humans rather than jumping on each other, a friendly bond is made once you both decide sex is off the table. Essentially, you’ll learn that mutual GBFs are the best friendships. After all, who wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who goes through the same things you do, or have “Lana Videos and Chill” sleepovers while talking about all the guys you’ve met.
5. The Ambiance
Being gay in the Big Apple, you’ll learn right away why so many run to it. While being gay is hard in itself, the pressures of suburbia, narrow-minded parents, and heterosexual expectations could send anyone on a yellow brick road. Thankfully, there is an Oz, and it’s filled with tall buildings and bright lights as far as the eye can see. But mostly, it’s the feeling that keeps gays in the city—the ambiance. For the very first time, you feel like you can do what you want and not be criticized for it, like you can love freely and be celebrated rather than criticized for it, and best of all, you finally feel like a part of society. Not a broomstick stuck in the closet but an actual human being with a voice, a purpose, and a heart that cannot control what it feels. You no longer feel like “other,” you feel like you. You are home.
The Bad
6. Acceptable molds, gay body image, and stereotypes
Though they did technically originate as porn categories, Gays are still labeled and grouped as “Twink, Bear, Daddy, Jock, Leather, Otter, Trans, etc.” Many who move to the city even find it hard to identify with one, or have difficulty keeping a relationship simply because of their specified “type”, even how they express their sexuality.
7. “Community” is a nine letter word.
You always tend to hear about the “Gay Community”, or even just the “LGBT Community”, but if you look at the facts, or even just take a look around, you’ll see this group of people is anything but a “community.” While the population is profound, and there seems to be a great sense of Gay Pride in the big city, there is much more disconnect behind the scenes, perhaps that’s why it took so long to gain leverage for Same-Sex Marriage Laws.
8. There's still prejudice.
While New York is known for its gay community, it is still populated by people from all around the world with every background and moral structure you can think of. Certainly feel free to hold hands with your boyfriend on a walk across the Brooklyn Bridge, but don’t be shocked if you catch some mean glares, tisks, or even get called by a name that’s not yours. Many move to the city thinking no one is hateful and that gay relationships are accepted the minute you see the “Welcome to New York State” sign. The truth is, you are free to be happy, but there will always be haters; make ‘em your motivators.
The Ugly
9. Gay men aren’t always safe.
Since the AIDs crisis ended, gay or not, the term “Boys will be Boys” is sadly true when it comes to protected sex. And while newer HIV prevention drugs have become more prominent, some believe it’ll protect them from anything else and avoid using condoms every time.
10. Culture of always wanting more
While it is more prevalent among the younger crowd, gay men in general tend to be hard to please once you move to the city. Being satisfied simply doesn’t fit into their vocabulary it would seem. From the fancier clothes on Fifth Avenue to the Penthouse on 95th Street, some would say that, generally speaking, gay men are in it for themselves and usually aren’t afraid to step on some toes. Unfortunately, the same goes for relationships. Besides being one of the most sexualized groups in society, whether it be by confusion or greed, gay men are known to be ready to dump their companion the moment the rose seems redder in the other man’s garden.
