Journaling — A personal record of occurrences, experiences, and reflections kept on a regular basis.
Since I was a child, I've always loved stationery. I loved buying pencils, pens, notebooks, folders, cards, and journals. I loved the idea of journals and would draw pictures, and make up spy adventures on those wide ruled pages with a picture of a flower on the cover.
However, the older I got, I found myself with a drawer of empty journals. I didn't want to use them anymore. I had no reason to. I always saw people keeping a diary, so I thought I would try that. I always lost track, though, and found it stupid telling a piece of paper what I was feeling, so I stopped.
Years later, the thing I always would see was keeping a journal about your thoughts, or things you learned, or experiences you had and how you analyzed them. I thought, "Hey, maybe I can do that!" False. I thought, I know my thoughts and my opinions, why the heck did I have to write them down? No one's gonna see it.
So, naturally, my next thought was BLOG. It's a journal people can see! Then, I fell into this mindset that my thoughts weren't valuable enough for people to see and hear. Why would they want to know what I thought about a conversation I overheard? They don't care.
I gave up trying. I was never good with words, so why was I trying so desperately to find that type of outlet when it just frustrated me? I kept encountering people with journals. They told me they wrote about the good things that happened in their lives and what made them happy about every day and blah blah blah.
That's when I became cynical. Why would you not be completely honest even with this journal that you claim holds so much importance to you? Journaling wasn't an accurate depiction of life if you only wrote down what was good or what made you happy. Some days aren't filled with extreme emotions. Some days, you just sit on the couch and do nothing. It happens. It's part of life. Why isn't that in your journal?
Just before I embarked on my semester-long trip to Oxford, where I currently am, numerous people told me "You have to keep a journal every day about all of your adventures!" Yeah, that seems great and all, but not every day is going to be an adventure. Yes, I will have so many great adventures and I will experience so many cool things, but some days are going to be filled with homework and me being frustrated with people. That's just how it is.
A few days ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop and I had finished all my homework for the day. I reached in my backpack and saw the journal that one of my best family friends had given to me before I left the country. I pulled it out, I clicked my pen open and began to write. I began to write the simple things: where I go every day, what I ordered to eat, what kind of coffee I had, and who I was with.
That's when I realized. Journaling doesn't have to be muddied with awkwardly writing out my feelings or anything. My journal is mine. I am choosing to fill it up with memories so I don't forget them. I can simply write down what I am doing so years from now I can remember the taste of that sandwich and the funny thing that my roommate said. Journaling isn't the same for everyone. No, I'm not going to fill mine up with how I feel about situations or people, but if that is how you journal, good for you!
It took me too long to realize this and I want to apologize to everyone I've ever made a condescending comment to about the way you choose to express yourself.
Whether you journal for therapy, for memories, for processing, your thoughts are valuable. And not even I can be cynical about that.
