After last seasons devastating record of 1-11, Berkeley
students have taken it upon themselves to win something… Game Days. Fortunately for season ticket holders, the Golden Bears already have a better record than last year! Whether we win or lose, Cal lives for Game Days.
7 a.m. – Dammit. Why did I go out last night… this headache is killing me… Let me hit snooze…
8 a.m. – Okay, find some motivation: IT’S GAME DAY! After studying so hard this week, all I want to do is let loose. How long will it take me to lose my dignity?
9 a.m. – Alright, I’m ready to roll. I’ve got my fanny pack, a cute outfit put together and rhinestones on my face. I kind of look like I’m heading to a rave, but, I mean, it’s Berkeley… right?
9:30 a.m. – I guess I’ll go to where my social chair told us to go first. I need to meet more people anyway and I might find my future husband there.
10:30 a.m. – Mimosas have been distributed. Snappa tables are on deck. No one has made moves towards the tables to dance on them yet. Question: if I’m pounding mimosas am I still considered classy?
11 a.m. – I’m three Mimosas in and they ran out of orange juice.. whatever, I’ll just take straight bubbly. Hold on, I need pics. Pics or it didn’t happen. I need a cute candid profile picture. This is my time. 1, 2, 3… act candid.
11:30 a.m. – Please scratch what I said about this being a classy function. Girls and guys are dancing on tables. The trap music is on blast. Fraternity men swear that they’re the next Diplo by pushing buttons on their laptop. Game Day or Mad Decent? You tell me… Oh, the Dirty Girl Scouts are out. I repeat, the Dirty Girl Scouts are out. This is so much better than Vitali, these freshmen don’t even know the struggle.
11:45 a.m. – Jesus, so much chocolate sauce everywhere. Come on seriously how hard it is to aim a little bit? Wait, was that the same guy as last night? He looks so different in the light…
Noon – THE VITALI IS HERE. I’M SO SORRY, FRESHMEN. I SPOKE WAY TOO SOON. DON’T DO IT IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF. JUST DON’T. I can’t witness this… I need to leave… Okay I’m hitting up the water slide.
12:15 p.m. – Wait, aren’t we in a drought? Why is this thing up? My mind is telling me no, but the sticky chocolate sauce and FOMO is telling me yes. I’m doing it.
12:30 p.m. – I know that this may come across as a surprise but my phone didn’t think the water slide was a good idea.
1 p.m. – I’m starving. Please tell me that Delta Chi is grilling burgers….
1:15 p.m. – SCORE. They are. #Blessed
2 p.m. – That burger was a gift from the gods. Okay back at it; I’ve got to continue to rally. Let me text my friends… oh wait... my phone is still down.
3 p.m. – Game days are winding now. No please, you can make it Game Day. DON’T DIE ON ME GAME DAY, DON’T YOU DARE DIE ON ME.
3:30 p.m. – Vitali is the only thing that is left. I’m old enough to know better but young enough to not care; who am I?
4 p.m. – My phone is definitely not going to turn on. There are remnants of chocolate sauce on my shirt, my hair is still wet and tangled from the water slide. I’m bloated from beer and pizza. I just consumed Vitali. I’m exhausted and I think this is it. I broke. I lost my dignity. I’m going home.
4:20 p.m. – lol typical, Berkeley.
5:00 p.m. – Game over. I’m done. Goodnight.
9 p.m. – Wait… I’m so confused. What’s going on right now? We won? ... Go Bears! Time to rally again.
