We've all been there. Every relative you can think of, in one room, asking the same exact questions. The same answers get more and more boring to repeat. The food looks great, but stuffing your face is not an option because everyone is pinching your cheek and asking you very broad, generic question that takes forever to explain. All you want to do is go into a coma--a food coma, that is. Looks like you need some sauce in that story! If you tell a different story every time, the time is sure to pass by a lot quicker. And they'll be so shocked by your answer that they won't keep asking questions, so you can continue to stuff your face! Here are some funny replies to the most boring questions asked for every age this holiday season:
Q: "How is college?"
A: "Yes."
This is a no brainer. They'll be so confused as to why you answered so obscurely that they'll lose traction and give up asking questions. It works 100% of the time.
Q: "What schools are you applying to?"
A: "Oh I'm not going to college. My boyfriend and I plan on building a shack in the woods and living off of the land. I'm kind of a hippie now. Live for animal rights. If you eat that turkey, you're eating the limbs and blood vessels of a living creature we were all once connected to."
A little obvious at the point you're trying to make, but it's a great way to skeeve out your relatives to the point where they awkwardly end the conversation by saying, "I should go check on the kids."
Q: "So, a little birdie told me that you have a boyfriend!"
A: (in a low, brooding voice) "If you know what's good for you... I would not listen to little birdies."
Sounds a little psychotic, but it's serious inflection will show your relatives you are not messing around about not talking. Feel free to eat the mashed potatoes after this reply, because you've got the time.
Q: "How is high school going so far? I remember when you were just a baby!"
A: "I remember that too! You were so young back then!"
This backhanded compliment will confuse your relative into wondering if that comment was meant to be insulting or not, and leave you to your peace and quiet.
Q: "Are you potty trained yet, little one?"
A: cry.
Listen, you're still young enough that if your parents hear you cry, they come running to your aid and get you out of any situation. Milk that "get out of jail free" card as long as you've got it.
Of course, there are so many other ways to reply. You could be honest with them, tell them the truth; you could keep it short and simple; you could play sick and sleep on the couch; or you could play dumb and act like you didn't hear them. These are just a few, creative ways to eat up and avoid the same interrogating questions/answers this holiday season!
