Heartache, heartbreak, heartsick. Whatever the word, the dark, hopeless feeling is the same. Most of us have experienced this pain following a bad break-up. So if you have ever had your heart broken, I'm hoping this will help in some way. I'm hoping my words are relatable. I also want to mention that this is not an article that is meant to bash anyone, but instead an open letter, after a recent breakup of mine, to myself and to others who may know what I'm going through.

If you know me, you might know I'm not always an openly emotional person, and everyone out there who suffers from anxiety like I do knows what I mean when I say I have a hard time initially opening up to people, for fear of rejection. So I tend to be a bit more reserved and I hold back in certain ways, especially with boys I date. This time, I didn’t. This time, I fell in love hard and fast. It was my first time experiencing feelings like this, and I had never been so happy. I thought I was the happiest I’d ever been, and I felt as if my life was on the right track. I felt like I could see a clear future with this person. I always felt safe. He was my best friend.

And maybe that was part of the problem.

I gave so much of myself to him. He molded perfectly into my life, and was welcomed with open arms into my family and with my friends. The odd thing was, it didn't go both ways. I didn't get to see much of his life at all, he never allowed me to see more of his than he wanted me to, and only when it was convenient. There was secrecy, but I pushed it aside as no big deal. He wasn't from my hometown, so I just attributed the mysteries to him being from somewhere else, and me not having the ability to learn things about him naturally like he did with me.

I may have been blind to some clues, but who really goes into a relationship expecting everything to crumble? Who falls in love with a person with the idea that soon it will all fail?

I sure didn’t, and unfortunately, I was used. I think I was convenient for him, and I opened a lot of doors for this person. For the time being, I was good for him because I showed him around my town, introduced him to a bunch of friends that quickly became his friends too, and brought him into to my family where he had a true home away from home. That was the hardest part for me to realize, that I was a pawn in his game. That the person I was with wasn't who I thought he was, and that he couldn't have really loved me.

So, to anyone out there who has gone through something similar to what I have, having someone use you and cheat on you, there’s just a few things I want to say to you. Although I’m nowhere near healed, or okay, there have been a few things I have realized. First, know your worth. Know that you do not deserve to be treated as a second choice to anybody, let alone the one who claims to love you. Second, know that it is not your fault that someone couldn't live up to who you thought they were. It isn't you that caused them to cheat, that is their own shortcoming and their own character flaw.

Next, the idea that you should listen to your gut is true. Intuition is a real thing. If you feel that something is wrong, you're probably right. Don't ignore the signs, no matter how badly you want what you have to be real.

Lastly, although it is hard for me to see much past the hurt I feel now, I know that there is more out there. I know that one way or the other things will work themselves out. I will trust in myself and in God to bring me to where I need to go and put me with who I'm meant to be. I deserve better.