Dear Parent or Guardian,
Your child is magnificent, admirable, extraordinary even. I’m sure you already know that, but I want to lend some insight into a side of them you might not always get the opportunity to see, but that I wish you could more often.
Your child comes home and tells you about their day—reluctantly disclosing any bad news and beaming proudly as they recap the highlights of what went well. That good grade on their Math test. The book they read in Literature that gave them a new perspective on life. The way everyone could hear their basketball’s dramatic swoosh as it went soaring from the 3 point line into the net without even touching the backboard right as the bell rang during gym class.
You hear these honest (although probably a bit exaggerated) stories, but it’s only the aftermath. What you get is an abridged version, modified, not messy like when it happened. Neat and tidy cookie cutter stories that your child has rehearsed to impress you, to make you proud. And you should be proud; these are all marvelous accomplishments! But what I see is something entirely different.
I see them struggle with those geometric proofs, questioning the answer to problem number three on the worksheet, questioning their ability to solve it, questioning the school system itself for making them learn about these rotten theorems. (Why do we need to write such long sentences for these things anyway; this is Math! ) I watch them struggle for long stretches at a time, sometimes even days, as they try to understand the proper steps to take and in what order, the implications of the shapes, and basic arithmetic.
Then, I watch them get their first problem right, their face a little less tense. They ask me for clarification. They jump suddenly, picking up their pen and completely disregarding my answer because they’ve heard the little piece of knowledge they lacked in order to put it all together. Their face glows as they check the answer in the back of the book, silently throwing a fist in the air YES! and ignoring me as I scold them for using a pen in math class.
I get the privilege of actually seeing that shift, that transformation of both knowledge and spirit. I watch them working outside their comfort zones. I watch them growing everyday into the magnificent, admirable, and extraordinary individuals that they already are and will continue to be.
With this in mind, I ask one thing of you: keep doing your job of encouraging your child to pursue what they love, while I encourage them to endure what they don’t; keep telling them to achieve great things, while I tell them they’re not failing nearly enough; keep being proud of them, and I’ll keep being proud of them. If we praise effort rather than success, together we can help your child build character, not ego, and that is a skill they will take with them well beyond their time at school.
And ask them every once in a while for the prelude to their stories—the sloppy, the tense, the frustrating beginnings that led to the clean version they want to tell you. I promise the stories are more interesting when told that way.
Warmest regards,
Your child’s Teaching Fellow
