So I've been single for almost about three years now. And it has definitely been interesting. I've had a lot of ups and downs while being single. When my ex and I first broke up, it was absolutely awful. I thought we had a somewhat peaceful break up, but I was definitely wrong about that. The relationship itself was also not good for me. We had dated for over two years and long story short, it probably went longer than it should have. But that's a different story.

One night I was talking to my friend at a party. And I kept saying how I think I moved on, but there was something that was still holding me back. I wasn't talking to my ex, but I kept struggling with getting him out of my head. And my friend told me that usually, relationships that last past two years will take you about 18 months to fully get over. And at first I wasn't sure if I believed that. And I also didn't want it to take that long. At this point, it was only about three or four months after the break up. And I wanted to be over it already. I tried to put feelings into someone else, but I realized that it was just pent up feelings from my ex.

So I took a break for a while. I hung out with my friends constantly, I did my school work, and I kept going along with it. And to be completely honest, it was hard. Every month or two my ex would somehow find a way to contact me and tell me he was still in love with me. And each time, I thought that I was getting better with being independent, and then I would see a message from him and feel like I had to restart. I did everything I could to keep him away, but it seemed like it wasn't going to end. But then for a while, it did. I actually reached the "18 months" part and felt good.

And then this was the time that I decided that now I'll enjoy my new found independence. During the previous time, I was trying to find myself and learn who I am as an independent person. I let myself heal and learn. But after that was done, I decided to enjoy the single life. If I'm being honest, I have my days where I totally hate being single. But I've come to realize that this is totally fine. But since getting my independence, I have gained an enormous amount of self-confidence that I didn't know I could possibly have. I totally went through a "makeover" phase and started buying clothes that I normally thought I'd never wear. I found things I'm so comfortable in and confident in. Three years ago, I never thought I could wear a crop top. Now that's all I wear whenever I go out or when the weather is nice and I wanna wear a cute outfit. I used to wear a lot of bright colors, and honestly some where not for me. I was so afraid to wear black too for some reason. Half of my closet is now neutral colors, blacks, whites, greys; I'm obsessed. But I do still have some pops of color that I think I look great in. I got into makeup! Now before some people think I got into makeup because I think I need makeup because I'm not pretty enough, that is not my case. I don't think I need makeup. I got into makeup because I see it as art. It's so fun to create different looks and just do my complete face for a night out, and I do it all for myself. And it's not like I go full face every day. My skin would hate me. During the week, I barely put on any makeup except for mascara and filling in my eyebrows, or I'll wear none.

I also started to take care of myself. I started a skin care routine to treat myself and to also help with break outs and now my skin looks so much better than it used to. Of course I still break out from time to time, but it's now not that often. I started to go to the gym. This is still a bit of struggle for me, but thankfully I have friends who help make me go. And I feel a lot better about myself. Of course I have those days where I'm like, dear god I look awful, but then the next day I do something about it and go a bit harder at the gym and I try not to beat myself up about it. And I try my best to realize that it's okay if I don't entirely like what I see, because then I remember how far I've come. And I'm super proud of myself.

I have finally learned to not care about what people will think or say about me. I have finally learned to not be afraid to be myself. I know who I am, and I love who I am, and I have people in my life who love who I am just as much. I used to hang around people who were in relationships and pretend like I wasn't thinking that I wished I had that. Now I hang out with my friends who are couples and feel completely fine and I don't feel like "the third wheel."

The moral of this is that if you are newly single, you need to give yourself the right amount of time to take care of yourself. And then time to just enjoy it. I'm honestly okay that I haven't really been super involved with someone in a while. Yes, I have flirted and talked to guys and thought, eh maybe. But once I actually think about it, I end up not wanting to pursue anything because it'll just feel forced. I'm not looking for something in every person I meet. I'm content with having this independence. And then maybe I'll have a time where something will come my way. But until then, I like being single. I have friends who will "go on dates" with me, cuddle with me, cry with me, and experience life with me. Go see a movie by yourself. Find your style. Get that tattoo or piercing. Go get your nails done, or your hair, or go get a massage and just relax. Go out with your friends for a drink, go dance, and not care who is watching. Buy that piece of clothing that you never thought you could pull off. Or do something new that you've never tried before. Travel somewhere new, do something risky that you've been scared to do.

It's okay to be alone. Because I am, but I'm not lonely. And there is a big difference between those two words. I haven't felt lonely because I have so many people who are always willing to be there for me. So for everyone who likes to ask you how your relationship life is, or if you're talking to someone, go ahead and say, "Nope, I'm single and okay with it" and be proud. Show off your independence and confidence. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world. It is never wrong to just take time for yourself and just enjoy your time to do what you want. It is freeing and helps you realize what you can accomplish on your own. And then when a time comes where you find yourself getting into a new relationship, don't forget to keep that side of you. Because you can be an independent person and have a partner. It is possible. As long as you stay true to who you are, then you're doing everything right, no matter what anyone thinks.