Divorce ravages most of our lives, it seems to be the norm. My parents divorced when I was 13 which never allowed me to have a good relationship with my dad until recently due to him moving to another state as soon as they separated; I grew up living with my mom and younger sister. A divorce sends shockwaves through a child it makes them feel like you don’t want them, like it’s their fault your no longer there like they did something that made you leave. I remember sitting in my room crying because all I wanted was my family to be whole again, I longed for a normal family like all the kids at school had. Every Christmas party and end of the year party where classmate’s moms and dads where there I remember it tearing me apart inside the fact I couldn’t and never would have that shattered me.

I can’t explain how much I despised my dad for years because he just up and walked out of my life one day no I love you, no explanation. When he’d call me I’d just roll my eyes and I wouldn’t answer id let it go to voicemail. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him but over time we have been able to get along and I thank God, every day for that because having both parents supporting me in this college/life journey is one of the best things I could ever ask for.

This also had a huge influence on me to not have the same path my parents did. Both didn’t go to college and my mom has always struggled with money, being a child in a not so rich household sucks you don’t get the newest iPhone, Ugg boots or MacBook but you have the love and compassion from your family and that’s what counts you realize none of those name brand fancy things matter. I concentrated on school and kept my head in the books. I used school as a get away from my shattered life, studying and making good grades; that’s what kept me going along with the mindset of don’t give up. I was able to set all the divorce shit to the side and focus on myself and that’s the greatest feeling ever when you can finally set the damage to the side and focus on YOU.

Although it took me many years to realize that I shouldn’t let it affect me it ended up helping me in the end because I didn’t let it be a burden I carry for the rest of my life constantly having a false hope of my parents getting back together or a false hope of a “normal” family. I’m blessed with this process I had my Nanny and my mom. I would talk to my mom about it but very seldom because I could see the pain she had so I would turn to my nanny for those times I just needed to vent and cry about all of this. Because deep down my heart ached until I fully understood the concept of divorced and I figured out it had nothing to do with me.

I turned to only myself and school, I turned to the notion of wanting to become the best I can be which allowed me to entrust in myself and grow up with a thinking of my dad hasn’t been here nor will he ever be I don’t need a dad to accomplish what I want in life. Just because I have divorced parents that didn’t defy who I am, it didn’t cause me to go off of my path of becoming who I want to be.

Just because your parents are divorced that shouldn’t stop you from who you want to become or freeze your life in time as a bridge you can’t cross. It shouldn’t throw you into a state of looking for negative faults to deal with it or debating whether to forgive them or not. It should strengthen you it may tear at every emotion inside of you, make you cry in your bed alone at night with a heart aching for a normal life and family. BUT you can find the courage to forgive both of them. It's weird not having one parent around but you do grow a bond even though the other parent isnt there I'm glad I found the strength and forgivness to forgive my dad and my mom. I love both of them and I always will unconditionally.