When we think of identity, we often think about one (or a set of) defining characteristics that lead to how we present ourselves to the world. Our identity shapes how we dress, how we relate to others, and how we see ourselves when we look in the mirror.

Yet what happens when two pieces of our integral identity conflict with each other? For some, this is not a speculation, but reality. When a stereotype or expectation of one part of your identity conflicts with another piece of your identity, it can be difficult to decide how to present yourself to the rest of society.

Jamir Brown, a student at Pace University, sat down to discuss the common contradiction of being a black man, associated with masculinity, and a gay man, associated with femininity.

Jamir’s passion for speaking out about this identity dysphoria came at a young age when he realized that the black community and the gay community didn’t exactly function in perfect unity. He said of his personal experience, “Out of the whole gay community, I receive the least acceptance from most gay black men.” Jamir grew up in the south, which is typically associated with a more conservative ideology. “In Houston the gay community was very superficial, meaning that the guys were focused a lot on the physical and I felt insecure because I wasn’t the ‘thickest’ or was the most attractive.”

Additionally, much of being an African-American male comes with physical expectations; we hear words associated with these males such as “swole,” “built,” and “ripped.” Balancing these physical expectations can be just as hard, if not more difficult, than balancing the emotional expectations that surround these two conflicting identities.

Jamir, when first speaking on the subject, said, “There is a thought that black men are supposed to be tough, masculine, fearless, dominating beings and although society is starting to see that gay doesn’t automatically mean feminine, many people still think that gay men are ‘fairies.’ In the city where I went to school people thought that gay men were boys who wanted to be girls or ‘sissies.’”

It was hard for Jamir to balance the expectations and nurture relationships with people in either community when he couldn’t feel like he could relate to either group. As for what we can do to combat these misconceptions and expectations of both groups, Jamir sees education as the solution.

“I think it is our job to educate. I think a lot of [people in the gay or black community] get upset because people are ignorant and say/ask offensive things but it’s not their fault if they don’t understand.” Jamir wants to eventually run a program, possibly based in the education system, which would encourage young black gay men to love themselves in whatever way that means.

He said, “I want to start it because I want young gay black men to know that they are loved. Black gay men are attacked all the time by our own community and they look for love outside of the home because of the lack of love in the home. That’s how you end up with teens on the streets, with STDs, and commitment issues. Hopefully, I can help kids that go through that… give them an outlet.”

Young men like Jamir prove that while there are expectations surrounding these identities, they can be proven wrong and, that with education, young gay black men can learn to embrace their identity in whole. He wants to open a school for performing arts, and use that to advance his agenda. Although many young boys may be struggling, men like Jamir are the key to easing their fears and dysphoria.