This one is for all the big sisters who have had to leave their little sisters for college. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.
The day that I was leaving was a fairly normal one; it was sunny outside, my parents were working, and my sister had school. All felt usual except for the fact that when I walked out the door, I wouldn't be coming home for two months. Now personally, my younger sister isn't the emotional type, she is strong and independent. But I will never forget that last hug as we both stood there sobbing heavily, knowing that the ever-present companionship wasn't going to be so ever-present anymore.
In that moment you're only focused on how hard leaving is. But then as you are apart for a couple of weeks, you begin to realize that life is still happening. That's where the struggle really kicks in. While you, the big sister, are 100, 1,000, or 10,000 miles away, she is still at home living her life. But you're not there to experience it with her. And that is the true struggle.
Up until college, the two of you have been through everything together: school, sports, family vacations, church services, friendships, and relationships. But now, your "baby sister" is starting high school, making the varsity team, learning to drive, taking AP classes, taking the SAT, getting asked to Homecoming, starting a club, volunteering and growing in all aspects of life…but you're not there to experience any of it with her.
Since when was she allowed to get so tall? Since when was she able to stay out until midnight on the weekends? Since when was she old enough to have a boyfriend?
The worst part of it all is that you have been through everything she is currently going through, but you are not and cannot physically be there to offer your knowledge and wisdom for every fight she encounters. When she's feeling sore and tired from practice, you can't lay there next to her feeling the same way, giggling about inside jokes instead of doing your homework. When the old car she drives won't start, you can't come and get her. When she's up late stressed over the million and one things she has to do, you can't console her with an encouraging bible verse or offer to stay up and help her through all the work.
When she's at her homecoming and prom pictures, you're not there to see how beautiful she looks and look her date in the eye to make sure he knows that if he breaks her heart, you will break his face. When she walks proudly across the stage, receiving whatever accolade it is for her many accomplishments, you're not there to clap the loudest or proudly scream, "That's my sister!"
It seems unfair— almost impossible— that she can possibly be doing all the things that you have already done without you being there to applaud her. As the big sisters, it is our instinct to protect, love, and support through all phases of life. And while that is possible to do at a distance, it is hard. Seeing her life through a screen is not nearly the same as living it with her.
To my sister, Tarra, I just want to say that I think about you and the crazy life that you are living all the time. I miss you dearly; there has been a lump in my throat and tears swelling in my eyes the whole time I have been writing this. Hopefully this shines a light as to how badly I wish I could be there with you, but nonetheless, you are still ever-present in my mind, heart, and prayers.
From the big sisters to the little sisters, with love.
