If you're anything like me, you had a plan for your entire life since you were ten years old. I was sure of what I was going to be and where I was going in life. When I got to college, I no longer knew who I wanted to be, or better yet, who I am. Somewhere along the way, I lost myself in the stress of trying to have it all together. In high school, I joined as many clubs as I could get into, put as many AP classes on my schedule as I could bear, and worked a few days a week, all to stand out on my college applications. I got into my dream school, but in all the chaos, I forgot what I even came here for. I look around and see people with three internships, a 4.0 GPA, memberships in at least two or three clubs, and a sure plan of what they want to do with their lives. And then there's me.
A little over a year ago, I was still living at home with an 11:00 p.m. curfew, and now I'm supposed to have my whole life planned out? The only dish I can cook is mac and cheese, and I'm supposed to know exactly where I want to be in less than three years? I don't even know what direction I want to go in any more. I haven't found my passion yet. I feel more lost now than I ever have. That really freaks me out. But I tell myself to just get through it so I don't disappoint all of the people who believe in me.
What if I never figure out what I'm good at? My biggest fear is waking up every day dreading to go to work. When do I have the big epiphany where I decide exactly what I want to do? I keep waiting for this big moment, and I don't think it's ever going to happen. Hopefully, along the way, I can get some idea as to who I am and who I want to be. I just don't know where to begin. Maybe I should start by not comparing my accomplishments to everyone else's. It was so easy in high school, where I excelled above the competition. But at college, everyone excels above the competition. Everyone came from the top.
If you're going through this, you're not alone. It may not seem like it, but not everyone has their life together, most definitely not me. I think the first step to finding out who we are is to stop focusing on who everyone else is. We don't need to spend our time paying attention to where everyone else is going. We're at such a vulnerable time in our lives, and it's vital that we spend time focusing on ourselves. It's easier said than done, but if you ever need a weekly cry sesh, feel free to join me.
