When we imagine abusive relationships, we see husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend. We see a woman manipulating and being emotionally abusive to her husband, a teenage boy hitting his girlfriend. We see romantic relationships.
News flash: Not all manipulative or abusive relationships are romantic.
It may sound odd or contradictory. But it's not just romantic relationships that can be manipulative, psychologically damaging or emotionally abusive. Friendships can be, too.
We've all heard the concept of "toxic people;" if you haven't, here's an extensive overview of toxic people and the psychology behind their behavior. The key point is that it's not just romantic relationships with toxic people that can be abusive or damaging—friendships can be, too.
Think about it—we've all heard stories about peer pressure, when teenagers are pressured by their friends to drink, smoke or engage in any number of other risky behaviors. It is a rudimentary form of manipulation; the peer-pressurer makes his victim feel as though he is not good enough if he doesn't do what his "friend" says to do.
Relationships of any kind with toxic people can result in psychological scar tissue. It doesn't matter if you have dated someone for three months, or been friends for 25 years—manipulative relationships are still manipulative relationships, no matter what form they might take.
It may seem unimportant—after all, if you're friends with someone who is manipulating you, you can just end the friendship, right? But that's not always the case. Just as many people have trouble getting out of abusive romantic relationships, it can be near to impossible to end a manipulative friendship. After all, the manipulator usually instills in you that you are nothing without him, or that no one except him will ever care about you. Manipulative romantic relationships may be harder to exit, but manipulative friendships are a challenge to detect and even more difficult to cut out. After all, you're just friends—how much harm can it be?
If you've ever been friends with a toxic person—and recognized that that person is toxic—then there is a good chance you understand how hard it can be. After all, most likely a manipulative friend will make it seem impossible for you to leave him or her. It can be by gossiping or spreading rumors to convince others you aren't cool or that they shouldn't be friends with you, using passive aggression so as to confuse you or make you doubt yourself, or playing the victim and blaming you when you try to talk to him or her about your relationship. These are all hallmarks of abusive romantic relationships, but it seems we sometimes turn a blind eye to these behaviors in friendships, even though they can be stressful and scarring in either situation.
It's important to recognize manipulative friendships. They're harder to diagnose sometimes, since all friends fight or clash occasionally. But if someone continuously tries to tear you down, control your actions or thoughts or convince you to think less of yourself, it's a manipulative relationship, regardless of the social label.
Don't get so caught up in the definition of manipulation and abuse in romantic relationships that you fail to recognize it in platonic ones. Toxic relationships of any kind are psychologically damaging, and you should never have to deal with someone trying to manipulate you. At the very least, recognize and diagnose manipulate relationships and find ways to ignore their manipulation tactics if there is absolutely no way to cut off contact with the person. It may not be as easily definable as abuse in a romantic relationship, but that doesn't mean it isn't a problem—one that you shouldn't have to deal with. Anything is a problem if it's negatively affecting your life or mental health, no matter how small or ridiculous it may seem.
