Friends of two years, one year, or 10 years, no friendship is sacred or safe from the ghost. I've been friendship ghosted by friends of all categories. Each time it hurts, but thankfully the more it happens, the more you can predict when it will happen — or at the very least, somewhat protect yourself from the downward ruminating spiral which ensues before it consumes you.
1. Avoid checking their social media
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Do what you have to do to avoid seeing them. You don't need to go as far as unfollowing or blocking, sometimes it's as simple as muting stories. You can mute people on Snapchat, Instagram, and even unfollow on Facebook. The last thing you need while you're healing is to see them having fun with their other friends.
2. Forgive yourself
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If you have regrets, take this experience as an opportunity to own up to it and improve in the future. You can take initiative and apologize where it's due if it feels right to you, but if you've already said your piece, then let it go. Accept that they may not be in your life again and that life will go on.
3. If you weren’t in the wrong and you’re still wondering what went wrong, forgive yourself again
There's no need to beat yourself up over what went wrong or start questioning if you are unlovable or any of that other nonsense. It's a very real possibility that your ex-friend's ghosting had nothing to do with you. Perhaps you reminded them of a time of their life they want to leave behind for other reasons besides you, or they had personal issues they had to deal with in solitude, or they're just a flat out terrible person. We can't always know their reason but we don't need their input to bring ourselves our own closure.
4. Let yourself mourn
Just because this isn't a romantic breakup doesn't mean you don't have the right to mourn. I'd argue a friendship breakup can cut just as deep or more so than a romantic one, depending on the context. You shared a huge part of your life with this person and what they did was rude and hurtful no matter how you slice it. Expect relapses. Shedding a few tears to mourn the loss is normal, expected, and okay.
5. Remember your worth
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If you've tried reaching out to them and they haven't responded and now act like you don't exist, stop reaching out and let them walk away. We don't need or want friends like that. Remember that friendship is a two way street and shouldn't feel like work to you. You deserve better. In a lot of cases where I have been ghosted, I've realized that it was a blessing in disguise because the friend wasn't too great to me anyway. You may also come to the realization that you're better off without them.
6. Have a plan of action in case they come back
Image by Мария Ткачук from Pixabay
In my own experience, friends who ghost will sometimes come back weeks or months after the fact like a boomerang. How you choose to react is up to you. In my experience, compassion has never left me with any regrets, but I would proceed with caution. Compassion may also mean holding someone at arm's length if they have hurt you in the past.
7. Forgive them
Forgive them, for circumstances you may or may not be aware of in their life which led to them ghosting you. Forgive them for hurting you, even if they weren't sorry. Forgive them, not for them — but for yourself.
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