Your second year of college has begun and getting back into a rhythm is a top priority. Your schedule is different and so are the people you find yourself routinely running into. You and your old crew try to pick up The Way It Was like it didn’t have a dramatic 3-month pause right in the middle, but for some, this may have posed as a challenge. Granted, for a chosen few, the people you met the first week of orientation almost 12 months ago are truly your core group of people, and for that I say congratulations! However, for the majority of us, the space that the summer break gave us allowed for some serious thinking. There’s a very tangible stress between “These aren't the people I want to spend my forever with, but I don’t want to rock the boat” and “These aren't the people I want to spend my forever with, I need to find some new people to grow alongside.” There are a few key things you have to remind yourself of when you are feeling guilty for drifting from your “old group” of friends and branching out a bit.

1. Slow clap for yourself

Let’s take a quick look at all of the changes you most likely underwent between August and May of last year:

1. You left home, family, friends, and everything familiar
2. You moved away, learned new territory, and had to interact with a lot of strangers at all times
3. You faced outrageously expensive bills, ten times the classwork load anyone could have prepared you for, and perhaps took on your very first Real Person Job
4. You made the decisions and set the boundaries
5. You became your own person

That’s a whole lot of New all at once, so give yourself a big ol' pat on the back. It was overwhelming and the next step was hardly ever the obvious one. You had to weed whack your own path, and in turn, it shaped you. It’s important to acknowledge that you are not the person you were going into your first year on your own. Whether or not this was a positive change is completely up to how you let the pressure shape you, but to expect yourself to fit back into any shoes you wore along the way is, without a doubt, taking a huge step in the wrong direction. You're different and so is everyone around you.

2. You don’t owe anyone anything

In almost all of the social situations you have faced before this one, there was a very clear, albeit unspoken, set of social rules everyone was to follow. You knew who you should befriend, who you shouldn’t, and what it took to keep your head above water. Just a couple years later, I think we can all agree that this was a ridiculous system to operate under. You owe only kindness and grace to others; loyalty out of necessity is not genuine friendship. Your time and your heart should be spent on those who lift you up, validate your incredible humanness and allow you to do the same for them. “Because we hung out a lot last year” no longer binds you to others. Kindness always, but obligation should no longer choose your friends for you. If you have a difficult time letting people go because you believe it to be selfish and ungrateful for the times they stood beside you, consider yourself affirmed: it is not selfish to make decisions that will better you as a person. Don't let your fear of being the one to make a change keep you sitting in stagnant waters. Sometimes, the first people we meet are not always the people who will bring out the best in us or even encourage us to never stop finding who that is within ourselves. If you are being mistreated by any kind of relationship, you have every right, if not a duty to yourself to find a place where your heart is safe. It is only when we truly love ourselves that we have a true capacity to love others.

3. This is a limited time offer

One of the most wonderful aspects of college life that we all totally take for granted is the constant opportunity for socialization. There will soon come a time when you may have to force yourself out of your apartment to meet people; where you have to be the one to make the phone call and organize the plans with the people you used to do 24/7 life with; when you have to drive more than five minutes just to watch a movie with your significant other. Time will become even more precious and the nature of your friendships will radically change from what you have grown accustomed to during your time in a college community. Remember how they told us that the people we meet in college are far more likely to be our lifetime friends than the ones we felt invincible with in high school? As it turns out, the illusive They is very likely to be right once again. A lifetime is the longest amount of time you will ever know; let your beautiful self-influence and be influenced by as many other curious creatures as possible while it is still as easy as walking across the hallway and yelling “who wants to order Dominoes?!” into the nearest open doorway. Wave to strangers. Introduce yourself even if it’s awkward. Eat meals with acquaintances. Force yourself to learn at least two new names a week. Keep the kindred spirits close and be thankful for the time you had with those who were given to you for a season.

Do not limit yourself to familiarity.

Do not underestimate the power of your presence.