I Lost My Best Friend And Found Myself In The Process

The number one way to tell someone you detest their company is to exclude them from a group activity.

It is because of this exclusion that I lost my best childhood friend.

We had already been on the short rows after she found a date for prom and left me by the wayside. I had forgiven her, but it hurt, and she never really apologized for it.

Sophomore year of college, she invited our mutual friend group to hang out during winter break.

Except me.

I didn't know until the group was posting on social media about being together that night. I had been texting her that night, blissfully unaware that I was being excluded. Until I saw the Instagram posts... and the Snapchats.

When I confronted her about it, she tried to tell me it was nothing personal, yet, having been my best friend for well over ten years at the time, she knew the biggest betrayal in my eyes was to exclude another person.

I fell apart. I was angry, hurt, and confused. I didn't know what I had done to deserve exclusion from the group, especially a group that I considered close friends for four years. As I sobbed into my father's shoulder, I knew that I had lost people I had once considered sisters.

This whole experience only made me stronger. It filled me with the righteous fury I needed to forget about fitting in and impressing other people.

It is amazing how much better my life became after I stopped caring about the opinions of the people that don't matter. I'm more confident, I'm grounded and courageous. I know who and what I am, and it is not dependent on what others think of me, invite me to, or say about me.

As I move toward college graduation, the loss of my best friend hits me harder with every passing thought. I had always thought we would be friends forever, and I know now that there is no hope for reconciliation.

Nor would I want there to be. I know my value. And she didn't know mine.