I have always been someone who gets along best with people that are older than me. In high school I didn’t think much of this consistent trend in my relationships. After completing my first year of college though, I feel certain that it’s more than just a coincidence.
In a previous piece, I discussed the reasons why Greek life and sisterhood are so valuable- one of which is that it gives me access to older/wiser women. That got me thinking though, about how valuable relationships with older people are to me in general. For example, I found solace in the office of my high school guidance counselor. Our relationship began with her advising me on my freshman schedule, and this past summer she revealed to me that she was pregnant after telling only her parents, husband, and sister. At college, there’s a professor whose family lived at the end of my hall. After disclosing to her the details of what, at the time, felt like heartbreak, she bought sour gummy hearts and gave them to me as a present. I laughed during a really sad time, and nothing is better than that. Both of these women will forever be my friends.
Following suit, as I look back on my freshman year, I notice that the majority of my closest friends were juniors and seniors. I looked through past texts to find some moments to cite these bonds, and unsurprisingly it didn’t take much scrolling.
Last week, my best senior friend, Alexandra, said “You’re not over emotional. Don’t let anyone tell you or make you believe that your emotions aren’t valid.” And later, “You are a freshman. You have so much more time to figure things out. Take it slow.” The day I moved out of my dorm, my friend Anne, a junior, said “We say you are fragile, but you are strong […] I feel lucky to be a person you can confide in.” Addie, another junior, said “I just want you to give yourself the credit you deserve. I’m always here if you need me.”
What's different about hearing these words from juniors and seniors, is that they have already lived through the struggles I’m currently facing. When I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, they assure me that it’s there. The most selfless thing they do is look out for me so that I don’t make the same mistakes they did as younger women (I still do, though, believe me). I have older friends who, in the past, let themselves be treated in ways far lesser than what they deserved (because trust me, they rock and deserve the world). When they see me fall in to similar traps or situations, they tell me lovingly, yet directly, what is going on. Alexandra once said, “Em, you deserve to be chased,” while I was stressing over a boy that I liked. Her saying that is a constant reminder to search for strong mutual affection, and accept nothing less.
Having these people as my guideposts makes me a better person. I hope I brighten their lives at least a little bit in comparison to how much they've brightened mine. I’d like to think that having younger friends/companions offers its own set of benefits as well. I find it refreshing to talk to people who are at different stages in their lives, whether that’s searching for graduate schools or expanding their families. And I think that enjoyment works both ways (at least I hope it does). The differences between older friends and myself allow more room for perspective, and a break from the normality of everyday life.
Growth is something that we're all ultimately striving for. Through experience, I really believe we grow from having people in our lives that are older and younger than us. If your soul is compatible with that of another person -- then go ahead and be friends, because age is just a number, people.
