I've moved around a couple of times in my life. I'm aware that there are some people that probably moved more than I have, but moving to a new state when you're young is tough. I hardly talk to the friends I grew up with in California, and being a teenager having to make new friends is actually easier said than done. While living in Oregon I made some pretty genuine friends, and I also made some really toxic friends. There's the girls that I met when I was 13 that I still talk to everyday who are like family, and then there's the girls that I met when I was just turning 21 who have always been there for me, and you all have inspired me to be more. So this is a letter to you wonderful human beings for always telling me I could do more and I could be more even when I didn't think I could be anything.
Sometimes it gets annoying when I talk about my personal life because it always goes back to my anxiety and depression. I think I had my first I ever panic attack when I was in the second grade in Mrs. Shepard's classroom. I don't recall why I felt so anxious, but I definitely remember that being the first time I had a panic attack. From then on, I thought I had learned to control it. Fast forward to 2011 and the loss of my dad. It ruined me. I'm not sure how anyone, let alone a teenager about to graduate high school is supposed to feel and or react to losing a parent. That was the event that triggered my depression.
If you don't personally deal with mental illness, it's definitely confusing to understand, but then I remembered I have amazing friends and I knew they weren't going to treat me differently. That's what was most important to me. There are good days, and there are bad days. I've had my fair share of both. There's times where I feel like my life isn't going anywhere. There was a good four months where I wasn't passionate about anything. I wasn't inspired. I was just sad, all the time.
I'm lucky enough to have the friends that I do have, because if it weren't for them and my family's help I would've never became inspired to start writing. I would never been inspired to continue to travel. I would've never been inspired enough to pick up and move to Philadelphia. I wouldn't have been inspired to go back to school now that I know what I actually want to do with my life. It's really incredible to think that a year ago I was discouraged, lost, depressed, then to have a conversation with my best friends to suddenly being inspired and you feel you can actually do something with your life, it's a wonderful feeling.
Huge thank you and appreciation, most importantly all of the love to the people who never let me down and always told me I could be more; and I will be.
