America. A country filled with creative minds ranging from those who invented the light bulb and the Model T, to those who invented the shake-weight.
There’s a broad array of creative intelligence in this country, yet none more intelligent than the masterminds at Taco Bell behind the new quesarito.
If you’re unfamiliar with Taco Bell, it’s kind of like any Adam Sandler movie made within the last 10 years. You know it’s not the best or most healthy thing for you, but for some reason you just can’t stop going back. If low-grade meat is your cup of tea then Taco Bell is your place!
Back to the quesarito. The quesarito is the offspring of a quesadilla and a bean burrito. Genius, right? The problem with this curious culinary concoction (that’s alliteration for all you English majors out there) is that people go into it with little to no thought about the consequences, as it runs through your body faster than Donald Sterling out of an NAACP convention. This piece of food should come with a warning label or a learning module.
My idea of a late night out with the friends destined for Taco Bell’s new daring product would go a little something like this:
It’s been a great night so far. The beers have been flowing and you and your buddies can’t seem to lose at pool, tonight. There’s only one problem. The bar just started playing Seal. You must make a judgement call; either stay and listen to the soul sounds of your mother’s favorite artist or go on to better things. You choose the latter.
Where to now? It’s getting late and you’re getting hungry. Your friend suggests Taco Bell (strike one). You would never eat there sober or in the normal business hours of the day, but you figure what the heck? It’s been a while since I’ve had some T.B.
As you near the entrance of the restaurant, you notice a noise in the distance. You’re not exactly sure what to make of this as it has been a long night of, “playing pool and hanging out.” You investigate what is making the noise, and to your surprise, a black cat runs out (strike two).
Being a bit superstitious, you know this can’t be a good sign, but you can’t seem to bring it up to your friends and walk through the front door of Taco Bell and get in line. Your friends ask you what you’re going to get. You’re not so sure what to choose as your mind is on the omen of the black cat. You reply, “I’m not sure probably just a soft taco and some nachos.” Your friends come here three times a week. They know the best things on the menu and they laugh.
Your buddy responds, “You have to be kidding me dude. I brought you all the way to Taco Bell so we can all enjoy a nice meal together and you just want to order the equivalent of a McDonalds Happy Meal. No way, you have to try the new quesarito, bro.” With nothing but guilt and peer pressure running through your mind, you decide to order a quesarito. (strike three).
The rest of the night is filled with shame and regret and a predictable night spent in your bathroom. The moral of this story is simple: friends don’t let friends order a quesarito.
Photo courtesy of foodbeast.com.
