Your friends do not get to control your life. They do not get to decide how you spend your time, what you do with your body, your other friends/relationships, or anything else. The only thing that your friends do get a say in is the relationship between you and them. Yes, friends often will try to advise each other to make better life choices. There is a point; however, where this kind of behavior can be flat out toxic.
People all have their own priorities, morals, and lifestyles. Often these correlate within social circles, but sometimes that is definitely not the case. If you want to go out one night with a different group, you have every right to do so. If you want to wear a certain dress, rock your look. If you found a new group of friends, that’s great! Just because it’s not the best thing to do by your friends’ standards does not mean it isn’t the right choice for you. If anything, they should be happy that you found more people and activities that make you happy.
You shouldn’t sacrifice the potential for making memories just to please others. It is better to say “oh well” that “what if.” Some of these opportunities may not come up again. What if the night you decide to skip out on because your friends didn’t like the people you would be with or the place that you were going, would be the best night of your life? What if that was going to be your cliché-teen-movie-adventure moment? Your “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”, “Paper Towns” moment? You would be giving that up to what? Stay inside on a Friday night doing something you’ve done a million times? Life is meant to be lived, why not take every opportunity to make the experience even a little bit better.
Many friends may not even notice that what they’re doing is harmful. It may not be intentional that they are making someone feel guilty simply for enjoying the life that they want to live. If you think you may be one of those friends after reading this just know: whichever friend who’s life choices you are trying to influence, you are one of their life choices. You have to have some faith in their decision-making skills. People already get enough slack from their parents when it comes to their decisions, they’re supposed to be able to find support in their friends.
I’d like to note that this does not mean that any time a friend asks you to hang out with them instead of someone else, tells you something doesn’t look good on you, or perhaps doesn’t like someone you hang out with means that they’re toxic. That’s just friend being a friend. If you feel guilty for those things though, that’s when it is bad. That is when it isn’t healthy.
You may not want to stop being friends with people who act this way. That’s completely okay. I’ll just give one piece of advice: use your words. Remind them that they can’t control what you do. Thank them for their concern. If they can’t appreciate that, then there is nothing wrong with cutting people out of your life. Sometimes it is necessary. It can be hard to let go but at the end of the day, only surrounding yourself with the people that truly support you and make you happy is one of the most rewarding choices. You deserve to be happy and live the life that you want to live.
