We often talk a lot about toxic relationships, meaning boyfriends or girlfriends, but we rarely discuss unhealthy friendships. Before college, I had lost two great best friends at the same time. I still love one of them dearly and hope that they are living life to the best of their ability., However, I know that love includes loving oneself and ensuring that your mental wellbeing is in good shape. I have learned this the hard way.
In high school, I was in a severely abusive relationship, but I had never put thought to what a toxic friendship was until I went to college. We all experience this at different times in our lives. I have had my heart broken a lot, but I never thought I would have to break my own heart in order to take care of myself.
Having your heart broken by a friend is a different kind of pain. You experience love in a different and indescribable way so the friendship ending feels like a deeper and more personal cut. That being said, what happens when there are red flags in the friendship that you're missing? We never seem to think of our friends as being the ones to abuse or manipulate us.
While I still love and care for the person that I have put out of my life, I know that it is for the best. Our friendship was just not meant to be, no matter how hard I tried. I don't think they are a bad person, but I do think that they have parts of their lives they need to work on in order to bond these friendships.
Someone once told me that, "you are who you surround yourself with," and that really got me thinking. I started to look at the friendship I was fighting for, after they had ended the friendship. Did we bring the best out in each other? Were we happy a lot? How did they treat others? How did they treat me? What made the friendship worth it?
There is no need to put effort into a friendship when you feel like it is a constant fight to maintain and hold onto. A friend that is always willing to pick a fight, no matter how little, is not worth the fight to keep. We all fight once in awhile but if it is constant, then it is never going to get better. Especially if it is over incredibly petty things like calling a friend out on their problems. This friend was always telling me what was wrong with me, why I mad them mad, and giving me the cold shoulder rather than talking to me about it. They would yell at me, tell me I was a bad friend, but then push me away rather than talk as adults.
As it comes to adults, a friend that refuses to grow with you but wants to stay the same is also not worth the time and energy. It is like a flower- you can grow together, but if one tries to overshadow the other, it will eventually die from lack of sunshine. A good friend will grow with you, stay by your side and never tear you down no matter what.
Just know that it is okay to put yourself before a friendship when it is necessary. A good friend will understand when you need the time or space and even be there to help you along the way. You can't achieve your best if you have a poisonous friendship that is stunting your health. It is okay to cut out the poison.
It'll take some time, you will find out the hard way that you have to get rid of painful relationships and end ties with someone you thought would be your friend forever. I do know that you will find the right group of friends like I did. The people that will be there through the good and the bad. And that is worth all the pain and hurt from ending those relationships.
