Over Labor Day weekend, I was stuck on campus completely by myself. I had a major project I had to get done, along with a few other tasks, so I had no choice but to stick around. What I wasn't expecting was for everyone I talk to on campus to suddenly disappear for a weekend. While I was lonely, and made the horrible decision to binge "Stranger Things" this same weekend and be scared to death, I accomplished more than I could have ever imagined. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I was the most productive I've been in a long time this weekend. Not only did I finish my project, but I created a professional website for myself, took photos for three sporting events on campus, started and finished "Stranger Things", caught up on all my homework for my classes for the next two weeks, and even replayed Undertale, because why not. Through this experience, I've realized friends are completely useless. Here's 10 reasons why you're better off being a loner than having other humans keep you company.
1. They actually offer you sympathy and compassion for your issues.
Excuse me? You're telling me you actually care about me and my problems? That's disgusting, why are you so giving? Stick to yourself please.
2. They're there to listen to your rants about stupid things.
All you do by standing by to my rant about why sporks are useless is encourage my irrational behavior. I need to conform to society, not have weird opinions that make me a unique individual.
3. Sharing is caring with them.
Stop giving me food. I'm trying to lose weight and you're not helping. And stop sharing your charger, because when it eventually breaks I don't want to have to help pay for a new one.
4. You find out all the good stuff going on through them.
Why would I want to be in the know? I'd rather not know in advance about my pop quiz in biology, thank you very much. Don't recommend me shows to binge on Netflix, I'll find them 6 months after their popularity died down instead.
5. They see the good in you.
I am a dark and horrible person. Why do you spend time with me? Seriously, save yourselves, leave, get out while you have the chance.
6. They can knock you down a peg when you deserve it.
Let me be an egotistical brat. I don't need you to remind me that I'm human. I AM THE BEST.
7. You always have a wingman.
Maybe I wanna be alone. I'll go to the movies by myself and like it! I don't need a friend to make sarcastic comments about the cliques with me!
8. They provide a safety net when things get down.
I'd rather just end up in an endless, spiraling downfall, rather than be saved by my friends. I'll sit in my depressive state instead, thanks.
9. They offer you advice and criticism.
Who needs advice? I'll just continue to make the horrible decisions I want to make, don't tell me how to live my life.
10. They offer you unconditional love.
Get off me. I don't need love, I just need success.
As you can see above, friends are an extremely important part of anyone's life. Maybe I was lonely that one weekend and used it to my advantage, but I'll take the life I live WITH my friends by my side instead. That one is a lot more fun. Friends are arguable the greatest gift you can have in this world, and I wouldn't trade mine for anything.
