We’ve all been there. It starts with the messy breakup. Then, many tears and passive aggressive texts and Snapchats later, the storm is over and you realize that you miss him. You miss his stupid jokes and the way he pretends to know the words to songs that you like.
It turns out that he wants to be friends, and you think you do too, but there is just one problem. Remember that messy breakup? Oh, yeah. We are all too quickly reminded of all those nights we spent wondering where we went wrong, and who better to remind us than our friends who were there through it all? But this is where things get complicated.
Your friends just watched you go through this heart-wrenching breakup, and they were there for you every step of the way, so of course, they aren’t happy to hear that you are looking to become friends with him again. They see him as nothing more than a toxin, and out of love for you, they want you to stay far away.
But it is in this moment that you have to remember that although you should certainly take your friends’ opinions into consideration, at the end of the day you get to decide what’s best for you.
This is a decision that you get to make despite what others may think because even though the relationship is over, it was just that, a relationship. A relationship between you and him, not anyone else. Therefore the decision of what to do moving forward is one to be made between the two of you. And while I encourage you to be wary, and to give yourself ample time to heal before you let him back into your life, you are very much allowed to let him back into your life if that is the choice you make.
You shouldn’t have to feel like you’re breaking any rules just because your friends make it seem that way.
The fact of the matter is, your friends weren’t there for the majority of the good times. They weren’t there to hear his stupid jokes and they weren’t there to make fun of him for not knowing the lyrics to that song. They were there for the heartache. Just because you choose to keep him in your life in hopes of getting to enjoy more of those good times, doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you’re letting him walk all over you. You remember the heartache too, but maybe you just want to accept that as something you learned from and have now healed from. And that is OK.
Let’s stop shaming each other for who we choose to forgive and keep around versus those we cut ties with. There is always more to the story.
