It's been two years...two years without you. These past two years have felt like I've been living in slow motion. I'm not going to lie and say that everyone's okay. It was a hard thing to go through, and it left us all scarred. At first, I didn't know if those who were left behind would be okay. You left us way too soon, and you had so much more life left to live.
Everyone was crying, even those who we didn't talk to. I think they felt bad for us, they couldn't possibly imagine the pain we were feeling. The teachers even moved the seats around, so we weren't staring at your chair. The hardest thing to go through was the announcement our principal gave that Monday. Teachers told us stories of how they dealt with the pain of losing a friend way back when, and of how they handled the loss of former students. None of it seemed real. The teachers had us draw pictures, sign boards, and anything else they could think of to distract our minds for the fifty-five minute class periods.
It was unexpected. It was almost as if we were all in a state of shock and confusion. I am not going to lie and say that we were the best group of friends or the best support system because we looked out for ourselves more than we did each other. It was hard to go through, and at times it's still hard. It takes time to heal, and boy did it take some time. Because of you, our friend group grew so close together, during those first few weeks. We learned how to lean on each other. We learned how important it is to have people who care. We learned how much it mattered to tell people that you love them. We learned how to let go and let God. We learned the importance of friendship.
However, we all coped with the loss differently.
It was almost as if we were constantly merging in and out of each other's lives.
We were angry, upset, confused, and at a loss for words.
You never truly know the impact someone has on your life until they are gone. I understand that God wouldn't have put us through this loss if we couldn't have handled it. It was your time to go home, and that was just something we all had to accept.
With time, it became easier. We learned to adjust to the new life we were forced to live. Eventually, it was our time to walk across that field and accept our diplomas. It was so weird to not have you there, this should have been a big day for all of us. They had a chair sitting out, just for you, decorated in red-and-black tiger tails and flowers.
I will never forget how much fun you made English, or how much you made me laugh when I was mad. Sometimes, I see a blue butterfly that reminds me of you, and it reminds me that you're in a better place. I'm happy that you are safe now. I'm happy that you are happy now. I'm happy that you are up there with God and some of your family, that you haven't seen in a while, now. You made such a huge impact on my life and so many others in our town, and I will always be grateful to you for that. I can't wait to see you someday in heaven.
