Scrolling through the Odyssey website, there are tons of "Letters to my..." and "Advice for..." and in the end, they tend to say the same old stuff. But bear with me, and I think maybe you'll get something out of this.
I'm currently halfway through my sophomore year, my major is undecided, and I often spend my Friday nights doing the laundry that's piled up throughout the week. Perhaps this makes my life seem unorganized or unfocused, but I've found contentment, which is more than I could have said at this time last year. With that said, let's review some of the obstacles of life for a lonely freshman girl who's finishing her first semester at college, and doesn't know how to feel about it (aka one-Year-Ago Me).
1. You haven't found your "friend group" yet.
At the beginning of the semester, everyone on your floor had their door open, and there was a constant flow of people and laughter, but as time has gone on, the halls have gotten quiet. You no longer spend your Saturday nights painting your nails and binging on food with your floormates. Instead, everyone seems to be out having fun at parties or making memories with each other, and you sit alone on your bed folding laundry, binging on the fifth season of "Friends," wondering where your Joey is and why you haven't found him yet.
I'm here to tell you that it's OK to not have found your people yet; next term, you'll have many more experiences and meet many more people. You have four years at college and you've only been here for four months, so the likelihood that you have found your people already is quite small. Don't fret and don't feel like you're alone, because somewhere on campus, your Phoebe and Chandler are wondering where their Rachel is. Get out of your shell a little. Get more involved in clubs. Talk to your classmates. Stop thinking that you need to find friends immediately.
2. You and your roommate are realizing you don't quite get along.
Back in March of your senior year of high school, you committed to your college of choice and promptly joined the Facebook class group. You started talking to some people, and you found another individual who "likes pizza and singing," is "OCD about cleaning", and "doesn't like drama." You decide to room together. As the semester crawls along, you realize that when she said she liked singing, she meant at all hours of the day, extremely loudly and incredibly off-key. Her cleaning obsessions have her going through your stuff, organizing your underwear by color. And don't get me started on the drama that's happening. You're realizing you don't mesh well, but you don't want to admit that you were wrong in choosing to room together.
Guess what? It's OK. In the search to find a roommate, you both may have misconstrued your personalities. You were both scared of the unknown, and you wanted control. With that said, take responsibility and take action. Talk to your RA about your issues, talk to each other about your issues, but leave everyone else out of it. Take action to change the environment you live in, fix the things you can, and change the things you can't. Stop pitying yourself and stop making yourself the victim; college is about learning to be an adult, so make some adult actions and decisions.
3. You were so certain in your future, but now you aren't.
You entered school majoring in biology, with the full intention of being the next cardio-thoracic surgery god. As the semester progressed, you've noticed that you prefer Mock Trial club over Red Cross club, and chemistry isn't your cup of tea. Maybe you should be an environmental lawyer or a math teacher, but your high school teachers are so proud of your future, and you got a scholarship for your dedication to helping people.
Say it with me now: It's OK! Everyone has doubts about their future. Ask any upperclassman if they have had any doubts about their plans, and I can guarantee (based on conjecture and not any actual evidence) that 95% of them have, at one point or another, been uncertain if they're on the right path, and 75% of them have actually changed paths. You're at college to find yourself and your future, so don't feel bad that it may not be what you originally believed it would be. Look into other majors. Ask around. Talk to your professors. Talk to your parents. Talk to ANYONE. Consider your options. Don't rush into decisions, as some semesters are worse than others.
4. Your high school friends are posting pictures of their crazy weekend, and you just finished a pint of Ben and Jerry's.
As you load your laundry into the dryer, your phone goes off. Your high school best friend sent you a snapchat of the party she's at, and you have a Facebook notification from your ex-boyfriend about the concert to which he took his new girlfriend. And you just dropped your damp underwear on the ground. You worry about the visits over the break, where your friends will tell of all their adventures and crazy stories, and all you will be able to tell them about is how you slipped and fell into a huge mud puddle in front of the most attractive man on campus.
One more time: It's OK. You may be busy watching rom-coms with your RA and a few floormates, but at least you aren't getting into trouble. You're learning to build relationships not founded on alcohol and nights you won't remember. The life you are leading is unexciting, but really it isn't. The embarrassing story will be better entertainment than the ramblings of a night only half-remembered. Enjoy your quiet fun. Do something new, but safe. Don't spend your night staring at your screen, pining after a different life.
5. You don't feel like you anymore.
You finished classes for the week and you go to your room. You immediately change into your pajamas and climb into bed. This is where you will remain for the night, and likely the entire weekend. You won't leave your room for the rest of the weekend, and you have no intention of letting anyone in to talk. You don't need friends, because you don't deserve friends. You aren't in any clubs, because you don't think you're good enough to join any. You are alone and lonely, and you think you deserve to feel that way. Life seems hopeless.
That's not OK. College can be exhausting, and a night in can be perfect every once and awhile, but if your weekend plans for every weekend consist of no social interaction or growing experiences, then you won't really be experiencing college. This is your time to find yourself and become the person you want to be; it may be slow at times and feel stagnant at others, but that doesn't give you an excuse to give up. It's easy to get caught up in the stress of a new life, especially if you feel like you're alone in this new experience. However, you aren't alone, because most of the people around you are experiencing an emotional roller coaster of their own and have times when they feel hopeless, as well. There is hope. The sun will rise. Experiencing the bad stuff makes experiencing the good stuff that much better. Go join a new club. Volunteer at an organization in the community. Ask the kid down the hall reading if they would like to go to dinner. Go on an adventure alone. Seize the day.
Just remember, whatever happens, you will get through it. Life will go on. This is just the start of your adventure, it will get better, and a year from now you will marvel, just as I do, at how far you've come, and how far you have yet to go.
