With freshman year of college behind me, I have been looking back on how much I've changed in more ways than one. First there's the physical stuff, probably like a height increase and an inevitable weight gain. (Thanks,college food). But there's more things about me that have changed that aren't visible. They are on the inside, where they've been locked away until now. In high school, I was really quiet, and didn't have many friends. Yeah, I'll say it, I was pretty much a social outcast. I only had about five friends, and one of them was my cousin. I always kept my head down in class, and never said anything unless I was directly called on. After graduation, I swore to myself that I would make college a fresh start. Since I was the only one from my graduating class attending Anna Maria, I figured I could start over and do things a different way, since I wouldn't have to see any of my peers from high school around campus every day.
During my first few weeks of college, I began making friends, which was a whole new experience for me. Like, they actually like me for the person I am? I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not? What is this madness? After I established my social group at school and began balancing it with school work, I decided it was time to do some experimenting with body modifications. I had always wanted a tattoo in memory of my Mother who passed away when I was little, so I saved up some money and my step-mom took me to get my tattoo one weekend when I was home from school. I'm gonna be honest, for a while I had been thinking of getting the tattoo while I was at school without telling my Dad, but I figured I should tell him since tattoos are permanent, and he has a few tattoos himself so he couldn't really be mad. After my tattoo healed, I decided it was time to take it a little further. This time, I was at school and did this in secrecy: I got a septum piercing. I had always wanted one, so I figured now was the time. I mean, if my family really hated it that much, I could always take it out or flip it up in my nose so they wouldn't have to see it. They got used to it, but I still get teased about it to this day (It's been over four months since I got it pierced).
With a new tattoo and piercing, I'm feeling as confident about myself as ever. But there is still something missing for me, I feel like I can't be myself around others. I've had these feelings inside of me that I haven't had the courage to let out. I've been keeping a secret from everyone around me for years, including my family. You know the old saying "Secrets secrets are no fun, they must be shared with everyone"? Well, here it goes: I'm gay. Well not full on lesbian, I identify as Pansexual. It pretty much means that I can be attracted to anyone, no matter their gender or sexual identity. For me, it matters how the person treats me, not who they are/ what they identify as. And no, it doesn't mean I'm attracted to a lot of different people at the same time. (If you want to learn more about different sexual identities besides Pansexuality, click here).
I ultimately think that college has made me more confident and open. For example, I wouldn't have had the the courage to actually type out that I'm gay last year. I've started to tell my close friends, and a few select people around campus for the past few months. Everyone I've told has been completely supportive, and has been really proud of me. In a way, I'm proud of myself too. I've changed so much for the better in the past year, and I can't wait to see what other good changes come my way during the next four years at AMC.
