Every time I try to give myself a fresh start,

From everything that I need to leave behind,

I always think I mean it,

Even when I say to myself that I truly mean it,

But every time I try to follow through on it,

The old habits come back

And try to pick a fight

And win (in one way or another)

And I'm right back to where I started,

Yet somehow in a tougher spot to get out from,

A spot that gets tougher every time I try again…

After all the times I think of how I'm going to change the way I want to,

Or imagine in my mind somehow going back to the way I was,

(If I could still remember, that is…)

Or check the dates on the calendar so I could mentally make note of my "big change,"

When I'm finally going to mean that enough is enough,

That what I've been doing isn't working for me anymore,

It makes me feel that this is a never-ending battle with myself.

I need a fresher start:

A start that allows me to make do with what I have now,

A start that's only for me and no one else to take,

A start for this new part of my life that I need to add onto, give my all to, and embrace,

With every drop of my soul,

Because at this point while I still have the choice,

If I'm going to change the parts that desperately need changing,

Though a part of me is scared to do it,

I really need to mean this change,

For this change is the true fresh start to everything that may come.