A few months ago, my mom and I were parked outside of a bank. I went in and carried on my bank business as usual. While I was in there, there was a teenager and her mother walking out and neither one of them looked very pleased. I couldn't tell you what the great disappointment was about since I didn't know their business, nor did I want to know. All I remember is how the teenager looked. I would guess she was around mid-teens, tall, awkward, and she had florescent orange hair in a bob, platform shoes, and a cute little Lolita style dress on. I really liked her outfit and overall presentation.
When I returned to my mother who was waiting in the car, she said to me, "Did you see that thing that walked out of the bank?" I looked at her with knitted brows and asked, "What do you mean?" And she replied, "That freak with the orange hair? She looked horrid!" I had no words to respond to her statement due to my absolute shock at what my mother had just said. She'd done it. She had used the "f" word: freak. All I could do was sit in the passenger seat and say, "Wow." and proceed to defend the teenager, a stranger, to my mother who so quickly passed judgment on someone based solely on how they presented themselves. My mother didn't see the big deal about it which just frustrated me further.
This experience wounded me that day because I thought that my mother had gotten over shocking appearances because I have been enjoying goth culture and style for roughly ten years. I remember at first, she didn't like it, but now, she seems to have accepted that that is who I am (it's not a phase mom!). So to hear the "f" word used so freely by my own mother shocked and upset me. I haven't had such an upsetting experience over a single word in years.
There are many words in this wonderful world of English language and there are very few that I find offensive. The ones I find offensive are usually ones that are used in a derogatory nature. So when the word "freak" is used in that context, I can't help but feel my face flush with anger. Perhaps it's my millennial bleeding heart but I think it's very wrong to laugh and pass judgment on someone that you don't know based solely on looks.
Another part of this experience that got me thinking was how differently my mother and I viewed this one person. It's experiences like these that keep reiterating to me how subjective beauty truly. What one person finds as beautiful, another may find to be the most repulsive thing in the world. I found this awkward teenager quirky and cute because she was different. I saw shades of my younger self in her. I admired her mother who allowed her daughter to express herself in the way she chose. Well, needless to say, that's not what my mother saw and there's really nothing I could do to make her change her opinion.
Long story short, I guess this whole experience bothered me so much because I know what it's like to be on the receiving end of the label "freak". I never was the cool kid in grade school and I gave up on seeking peer approval by the end of elementary school. I was considered the weirdo who was too smart, too fat, and too friendly by my peers. I was always accused of ulterior motives (e.g., gathering gossip, flirting with boys, etc.) when all I wanted was to be kind to people and be an all around decent human being. I didn't like the same music, movies, or activities that the populace liked. So be it. I accepted that part of myself and couldn't wait to break free from my hometown labels. It wasn't until college that I felt totally free to be myself. And the crazy part of it was that I found people who also accepted me for me and still do to this day. If you want to take back the label of "freak" and turn it around to make it something positive, go for it! If you're going to use it in a derogatory manner, remember the famous line from Thumper the bunny in the Disney film Bambi, "My momma always says: If you ain't got nothin' nice to say, don't say nothin' at all." Live and let live, be kind to each other.
Take care. Much love.
- Erin
