Although the aggregate of Frank Gallagher’s drunken, strung
out babble is typically crude and offensive, the man has been around the block
quite a few times. And with that street cred comes some surprisingly
inquisitive knowledge; you just have to listen very, very carefully or you might miss it between the overwhelming
amount of crude and offensive lines he spews. Luckily for you, I nobly undertook the challenge
of looking beyond the vulgarity that exists on the surface of his words and dug for the
insight. Take it with a grain of salt; I mean, it is Frank Gallagher after all...
1. On shelter for all: “Addicts, thieves, poor people, the mentally ill… they deserve a roof over their heads just like you.”
2. On the foundations of America: “This is not a dictatorship. This is America. Give me liberty, or give me meth.”
3. On marriage: “…they should just let us get married, cause anyone who’s been married knows that the sex is downhill from there.”
4. On career advice: “See, that’s what’s wrong with working: too much stress and instability.”
5. On some more career advice: “Every day is an opportunity you don’t get back, so don’t blow it working.”
6. On appreciating the simple things: “Look at that. New day and I’m still alive. Life is good.”
7. On sexual encounters: “It’s not sex if you can’t remember it.”
8. On the male anatomy: “Tucked between two legs, wedged right near your asshole. There’s no good way to sit. No underwear that’s been devised to hold ‘em effectively in place. They’re a bizarre appendage.”
9. On dating women: “Son, it’s important to know the difference between a skank bitch and a deranged psychopath.”
10. On being an upstanding citizen: “When I collect workman’s comp, some lady as to fill out the paperwork. That’s her job. If it wasn’t for me, she’d be unemployed.”
11. On death: “What’s peaceful about dying? I don’t care how much they meditate. When the time comes, those Hindus will be shitting their pants like the rest of us.”
12. On religious pursuits: “Deliver us from evil, or grant us the certainty of being caked enough not to give a fuck. Amen.”
13. On parenting: “People say children are the future, raise them well and let them lead the way. But after you’ve had eight of your own, you realize that’s a load of bollocks. Darwin had the right idea; just leave the buggers to fend for themselves.”
14. On standing your ground: “Despite your reasonable tone and helpful advice, I still fucking hate you.”
15. On the solidarity of family: “People fuck up. That’s life. Family is supposed to be forever. They’re supposed to take care of you regardless of what you do. That’s the whole point, otherwise why bother?”
16. On relationship advice: “Doing things you don’t want to do is how you make relationships work.”
17. On unleashing your wild side: “Nobody wants to fuck Mary Poppins.”
18. On deep wisdom: “Fortune dispenses at random.”
19. On knowing alcohol’s worth: “This isn’t North Korea. Alcohol is a gift!”
