Why cancer? How could you work with children that could possibly die? How could you deal with that type of pain all the time? I get asked that a lot. Mainly because I have been exposed to it for majority of my life. I've seen the struggle, watched the comebacks and then ultimately watched them lose their fight. So why? Why keep exposing myself to so much hurt and pain?
Simple. I do it for the kids.
On August 11th 2015, my grandmother passed away from cancer. For 6 years, my grandmother battled stage 4 lymphoma and then ultimately lost her battle to leukemia that was caused by the chemo she took. 3 weeks later, my other grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. A cancer that has no cure. When I first walked into a treatment clinic with her in the fall of 2015, my first thought was "what about the kids?" From that moment on, I knew I wanted to work with pediatric oncology patients.
I began working towards a degree in nursing with hopes to becomes a pediatric oncology nurse, but something wasn't right. During this time my grandfather was also diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and my grandmother passed away due to the cancer spreading to her liver and shutting it down. During this time I began to struggle with wanting to actually become a nurse. I lost my motivation for school, but not my passion for the kids. I came to a cross-roads of "well if I'm not going to do nursing, how can I still work in this field?" Some close friends told me about child life (thank you Maggie and John) and I became obsessed with the work and purpose of it. Anytime I ever talked about being a nurse I would talk about wanting to play with them and hold them and be there for them. Child Life allows me to do that and so much more.
Since only two schools in Georgia offer this program, I applied to Georgia Southern University immediately and then researched anything and everything about child life and what it took to succeed in this field.
I started doing everything related to the child life field. I found my fire again. I found my passion. I began doing everything possible such as camps, volunteering, fundraising, etc. I started gaining the experience and knowledge needed for this field, but not in the oncology population.
I lucked up my first week of school at Georgia Southern and I was able to become a volunteer for Sunshine 2U in Savannah, GA. Sunshine 2U works in the hospital setting for children that are battling cancer. We provide camp activities in the hospital and outside in the community. I became so passionate for this and loved every second of it. Not the cancer part- but the impact I could see this program provided to these kids. I even missed class a few days out of the week just so that I could be with them.
On December 4, 2018, I lost a child I had been working with. I was in the middle of studying for finals when I got the call. I didn't cry, but my heart broke a little. Not because she passed away, but because she passed away during Christmas time. My heart broke for the family. People had been warning me that it would be a hard field and that it could make or break me. I felt differently and I was right. In that moment of finding out one of my sweet kids lost their battle, I didn't break down, I didn't start crying, I didn't let it overtake me. Not because I'm heartless, but because I knew she was in a better place. I prayed for her. I prayed for her family and I prayed for their peace. I knew in this moment, I could do it. I knew I was made for this field.
People think working in this population is sad. It is, don't get me wrong. There's nothing exciting about kids having cancer, but a lot of the time it can be uplifting. You see kids that are battling extreme cancers that have a better mindset than we do majority of the time. You see them believing that they can fight. You see them believing they can make it - sometimes even when they're told they can't. You see, kids that are so eager for something that could be so small. Yet, we complain everyday about pointless things.
This is why I choose to stay in this field. Not because I'm resilient to pain, but because they keep me grounded. Trust me, I have cried plenty of tears for these kids, but I chose this field because I can relate to these families where I understand what they need. Even if it is just a prayer. I choose to stay in this field so that I can provide comfort. I choose to stay in this field because child life brings so much more than just play and activities, but it brings strength, support, comfortability. It brings understanding not just for the patients but the parents, siblings and friends that need it most. I know that my journey is child life is far from over. I've barley started. I know it's a competitive field, but I know this is my purpose on this earth and I can only pray I change as many lives and the children that have already changed mine.
So why did I choose this field?
Simple, for the kids.
