I have lied; I have coveted; as of late, I have realized that I have not loved God with all my heart, mind, and strength. I have realized that my formal education in some sense had become a god. If you asked me a few months ago if my education was an idol, I might have violently denied it. Lately, I have been questioning what I am doing this all for? How important is formal education? Is it more valuable than personal relationships, health, or God? How much am I willing to sacrifice in the pursuit of good grades?

What do you do when a 4.0 GPA is not enough? I asked myself this my second semester of college. I had finally gotten this grade point average. After the anticipation had waned, I was left unsatisfied. An emptiness had set in after I began reflecting on the semester. I realized that I actually had not really learned anything. I was simply a great student becomes I had become a skilled memorizer. I had also had become skilled at telling teachers and professors what they wanted to hear and simply by regurgitating what they had told me, I graduated as the valedictorian of my high school. At what cost? I wasn't satisfied. The grades didn't mean a thing in all honesty. What could they do for me? True, they made me attractive to colleges, but what's the point of college? To learn or to get a degree? Be honest. If I was going to college to learn then I was, in fact, flunking.

I actively pursued academic success; I was only competing with myself. I couldn't allow my grades to decrease. I sacrificed spending time with friends, engaging with family, my childhood. What was the difference between a 3.0 and a 3.5 or 4.0? The grading system exacerbated my perfectionism. I could have socialized with friends instead of heavily studying or preparing for national exams. At times, I would even skip recess and lunch for academics. Now, I think to myself, how much more I could have been involved with my peers, my sisters, my parents and extended family.

I have pulled more all-nighters than I am proud to say. I did this for grades. I repeat I did this for grades. I wanted to see all As on my transcript. In all honesty, that's the only reason. I probably had an unnatural amount of cortisol inside my body. I definitely was stressed out as a child and now I am recovering as an adult. I allowed my mental health to suffer for school along with my physical health. I can recall a disastrous breakout from my body trying to discharge stress. Was it worth it? I have scholarships, but what do scholarships mean as an end game in the Kingdom of Heaven? I don't know - I am still searching for conclusions.

Next semester, I will be a senior and honestly, I am exhausted of formal schooling (but I love learning). I am tired of being graded. Grades heighten my performance but reduce how well I learn; when grades are introduced for me, learning becomes secondary and so does my relationship with God. Furthermore, so does my personal relationships. I have decided that I will no longer allow my pursuit of high achievement in academics to rule my life. There are things that I value much more than academic success and it is time to let my life reflect those sentiments. I will no longer sacrifice prayer with God. I will no longer sacrifice reading the bible because I am too tired from class readings to read anymore. I will no longer sacrifice church to study. I am tired of sacrificing my spirituality for my education. So, I won't.

1 Corinthians 10:14 admonishes, "Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry." And that's what I am trying to do. Do not misunderstand me - I am not going to let my grades fall to the wayside. However, they will not be the most important thing in my life. I choose to put my personal relationships above my grades. Why? Simply, because people matter and grades should not matter half as much. I am more than my grades! They don't define me and in no way do they suggest my intelligence, at maximum, they test my memory or engagement in the subject.