To my professors this semester (though, if you've had me in class before, this can certainly still apply),

I would like to say first, that I appreciate all of the time you have already spent reading my disorganized ramblings, and for you to read this now truly means a lot to me. I know half the time I sound like a lunatic, and the other half I sound pretentious, but at least you all still listen to me (or at least, have the decency to pretend that you're interested in what I have to say). Now I can finally say to you: I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all the times that I appear for office hours without sending you an email in advance. I know that's technically how office hours work, but every time I show up unannounced, you look startled, as though I've just transported in from the shadowy corner of your nightmares.

I apologize, as well, for the amount of sheer stupidity that slips past my filter when we're actually talking during said office hours. I just want you to know that I'm trying, even if I sound like I haven't yet learned how to properly form sentences.

I also think it necessary to apologize for my final essays. Several long papers due at the same time mean that I'm splitting my already-divided attention even further. Can we just acknowledge that a research paper is really not the best way to end a class? This one's on you, too (but mostly on me, because I know I'm just phoning it in at this point in the semester).

I'm sorry about the inconsistency in class participation. Some days, I'm just not feeling it; other days I can barely resist the urge to raise my hand (like, fully in the air, Hermione Granger-style. Not the timid college wrist-flick that constitutes a raised arm). A big portion of my grade comes from participation, so I'm fully aware that each day I don't talk, I'm shooting myself right in the foot. Regretfully, many days I simply can't.

I'm sorry for my appearance at the end of the semester. I just cannot be bothered to take a shower. I mean, honestly, who showers every day? At least I use dry shampoo. And as for the smell, well....

I would also like to apologize for my abysmal final presentation. Yes, I should have practiced more, but did I? Of course not. I hate myself far too much to do something that would actually help me. I'm sorry I'm sweating all over your podium, but honestly, what more do you want from me?

Finally, I would like to formally apologize for my complete lack of self-respect whenever I'm in your presence. All I want is your approval. Please just tell me you think I'm smart-- I swear I'll go away after that.

Respectfully,

A Tired Undergrad