Forgiving Someone Who Didn't Ask For It

Forgiving Someone Who Didn't Ask For It

"Maturity is when someone hurts you and you try to understand them."
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I have done a lot of difficult things. I've woken up early for swim practice, endured a straight month of sorority recruitment, survived weeks of band camp, took every standardized test created, quit something I loved and let go of people I loved even more. But nothing has been as difficult as trying to forgive someone who never even asked for my forgiveness.

It probably doesn't make much sense. Why forgive someone who isn't sorry?

The thing is, I honestly can't handle lugging around the anger with me. I hate conflict, and I hate having hard feelings, even if those feelings are completely justified. The anger sits on my shoulders like it's the weight of the world, and carrying it around hurts me more than anything anyone has ever done to me in the past. I strive to forgive people who didn't even ask for it because I deserve the peace of mind.

Even though the anger hurts, it doesn't make forgiving someone any easier, especially when someone isn't sorry. It's one thing for someone to hurt you, but for someone to hurt you and not care is an even sharper stab in the back. Forgiveness isn't as simple as just "letting go;" it takes time, patience and strength. A lot more strength than holding on to a grudge or shoving feelings inside until they explode onto the surface.

I'm still in the process of forgiving those who hurt me in the past. I work really hard at it. I exercise a lot to release the negative energy. Sometimes I put my headphones on as loud as my eardrums can handle and just sprint around my gym's track until I'm completely out of breath. I also write a lot. Writing has always been a great outlet for my emotions, since I'm not so great at verbalizing how I feel. I seek out positive outlets. I surround myself with good food, great music and the best friends.

And mostly, I remind myself that the person who hurt me is probably hurting a lot worse than I could ever know. Happy people don't hurt others, and I am so lucky to be happy. I count my blessings every day and realize my life is too amazing to let anger ruin that. I can't let someone else's inner turmoil ruin my peace of mind. All I can do is try to forgive them and hope they find happiness themselves someday.

Like I said, I'm still in the process of forgiving some people and letting go. It's not an overnight process. It takes time. I guess some people could say forgiveness is weakness but forgiving someone requires a lot more strength than holding onto anger and hatred forever. If forgiveness was easy, I would've done it a lot sooner. It's not the easiest route, but I refuse to let the past define how I view the world, others and myself now.

One of my favorite quotes from the TV show "How I Met Your Mother" sums up my beliefs perfectly:

"You may think your only two choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: you can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone, and you can move forward."
Cover Image Credit: Jolie Delia

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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I Took the MCAT and This is What Happened

The MCAT is one of the hardest things I have ever completed in my life, and I still do not know if I passed.

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I started studying for the MCAT during winter break, December 2018, and then I sat for my test on April 13, 2019. Going into my test, I was very nervous. I was scared that I would be late for my test, so I showed up an hour before the doors even opened. I was worried that I would get too hungry during the 8 hour exam, so I brought my whole fridge along with me. Basically, a lot of worrying was going on. However, I began to calm down as all the positive messages from friends and family starting rolling in before I walked into my testing site. Their positive vibes soothed my anxieties, and actually gave me some confidence as I walked into the exam…Then the first section began. The first section one tackles on the MCAT is chemistry and physics (C/P). Though this section had never been my strong suit, I have been able to do okay due to my strengths in chemistry (not so much in physics). Then, the MCAT royally screwed me over by making this section basically all Physics. It wasn't enough that physics passages give me the worse anxiety, but they were so calculation filled that I wasted so much valuable time trying to do math. It got to the point where I just guessed on most of the math questions to get to questions I had a better chance of answer.

I took my ten minute break and felt more exhausted than I ever have in any of the previous practice full lengths I've taken. Thankfully, the next section is CARS, critical analysis and reasoning is my favorite section – and I blew through this with no problems. It was kind of a nice break after the roller-coaster that was the C/P section.

By the end of CARS I was starving and so very thankful for the thirty minute break, but for some reason (because I was scared of running out of time) I went back to start the next section, biology and biochem (B/B), after only 15 minutes. Thankfully! It wasn't the worse decision because the B/B section was not off standard from what I was used to. I actually found many questions to be very straightforward and easy, which is kind of scary.

Finally, my 8 hour exam day was almost over. I just had one more section, and it was the one I was least worried about, Psychology and Sociology (P/S). As a psychology major, I've had to do the least studying for this section, but the MCAT threw things at me that I don't even know how to process. I would read some questions and immediately think of an answer, only for the answer to not be any of the answer choices. I'm really nervous to see how my results turn out for this section next month.

In the end, I put a lot of hard work studying for the MCAT. It is definitely an intimidating task, but it is very much achievable with organization, determination, and large amounts of caffeine. Now starts the dreaded one month wait till I get my results!

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