We have all been hurt at some point in our lives and we often find ourselves on the end of one of these situations.
- Holding On: In this situation we neither forgive nor forget. We find it easier to just remember our hurt rather than to move forward, because if we moved forward then we would have to work on ourselves and that is “just too much work.”
- Forgetting but not forgiving: Sometimes the hurt is so deep that we repress it so that we eventually close out that part of our lives. When in reality, we don’t want to face our brokenness. “It’s just easier to not relive the past and focus on the future.”
- Forgiving but not really: This is that type of passive aggression that we say we are over it but we really aren’t, it’s that hurt that we use to our convenience and whenever something goes awry we resurface our hurt to remind the harmer that they broke us. “It’s just too much, so I’ll just be civil for everyone else.”
- Making the score even: This is where the battle for true forgiveness takes a turn towards the worse. It is where we retaliate out of hurt and want to make someone else feel our same pain. “I will not be put down like that, they will feel my pain.”
**Disclaimer: By no means do I want to sit here and say that your pain is insignificant in retrospect to others who may have suffered something that would be measured as ‘a greater pain,’ because whose place is it determine the suffering you went through.
Rather than be consumed by such heartache, I want you to know how much more powerful it is to actually be let go of such agony that seems to control you rather than you being in charge of how you both feel and react to the situation. Moreover, instead of falling into one of the scenarios above lets glance down at steps that help us grow and not keep us stuck.
- Acknowledge it: Don’t sugarcoat the situation, realize that you were hurt, see that it is okay to be upset but that it isn’t okay to stay there. Take that step back and say, “In order to have that future I first need to be okay with the past.”
- Understand it: This is probably the hardest thing to do; honestly because it is the step we are most uncomfortable with, it is where we must place ourselves in our offenders shoes and take what was done for the rawness of it. Remember that when you wronged someone you also wanted his or her forgiveness; therefore, shouldn’t we extend this same type of deep love. This is exactly what ‘The Golden Rule’ states, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
- Peace with it: Know that without this situation having occurred you most likely wouldn’t be the person that you are today. Life often throws us some curveballs here and there, we just have to be willing to know that sometimes we do get hit with the ball but does that mean we are down and out…no it means we walk to first base. (Did you get my baseball reference, yeah that’s about all I know about baseball.)
- Release it: And finally, take everything you have gained through your healing process and take the initiative to be ready for that new beginning.
I just wanted to wrap all of this up with some advice that I was told and it has always stuck with me,
“Forgiveness grows you, it tackles you, and it sets you free all in one; if you refuse to see the beauty in it then you only are hiding yourself.”
