Forgiveness Is A Commitment, Not A Feeling

Forgiveness Is A Commitment, Not A Feeling

Time to be a little kinder to yourself

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When the spotlight is on forgiveness, people tend to think that it is an act given to or received by someone else. In most cases this is true. We give grace those who we have deemed to have wronged us and we accept amnesty from the malevolence we have caused others. I have come to realize that there is not much worse than having to forgive someone who does not want to be forgiven. Like they are not apologetic for their actions and see no wrong in their behavior despite the negative impact on you. I do believe that there are two sides to every story, however, right and wrong coexist simultaneously. Forgiving is actually incredibly self-centered and egotistically-motivated. We accept apologies as a buffer to give ourselves time and space to move on from the issue, yes, forgiving the other person benefits them, but the forgiver gains more out of the deal.

One thing that is skipped over when discussing the exchange of mercy is the relation of forgiveness within ourselves. I think that we are so experienced with giving others grace and accepting amnesty that we all forget about ourselves. We recognize that other people have character flaws and disfavored niches, but we can see right past the blemishes, through the tarnishes, over the imperfections, and right to the redeeming qualities. However, when we self-reflect, we cannot always see the saving graces of ourselves. We only see the glitches and the shortcomings which overwhelm us with frustration and angst. These feelings of self-disapprovement build up over time and causes us to carry a whole lot of baggage. The ironic part is that we think that there is something external that will fix the bad days and the insufficient qualities, however, we hold the tools to restore ourselves.

The whole saying with love that "you cannot love others if you have not loved yourself" is parallel to forgiveness. You cannot forgive others if you have not forgiven yourself. So go out and forgive. Do not forgive and forget, but forgive and learn. Forgive yourself for coming up short some days and forgive the world for not always being so kind to you. Because once you commit to the power of forgiveness, you become unstoppable.

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11 Ways You Found The Cristina To Your Meredith

"We're friends, real friends, and that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally decide to look back, I'll still be here."
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The term "my person" describes the relationship between two people who have reached the highest level of friendship. They're people who have ridden the roller coaster of life together for so long that their lives would be boring without each other. In "Grey's Anatomy," the characters of Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang describe each other as each other's "person." They have a perfect friendship. Everyone (including myself) strives to achieve a friendship like theirs. What is it like to have "your person?"


1. Your person will tell it like it is.

If you think that your new haircut looks bad or if that dress makes you look fat, your person is always there to reassure you that nobody cares.


2. Your person is always on your team.

Whether it's an argument between you and your parents or you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, your person will always be there. They will go to bat for you 10/10 times and they will always be there to have your back.


3. Your person will celebrate the small victories with you.

Did you go an entire day without crying? Awesome, let's celebrate! Did you eat something other than chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? That's wonderful! The small victories count the most.


4. They will listen to you, even when you are ranting about the craziest things.

Let's face it, we have all been there. When it's late at night and we're laying in bed, thinking of the world's hardest questions, and you start to think about crazy scenarios, your person is always there to listen.


5. People instantly think that you and your person are a couple.

You aren't a couple, you just understand each other on a much higher level, so people think that you guys are in a relationship. Just go with it.


6. Your person isn't afraid to tell you that they are embarrassed by you.

Everyone gets embarrassed about each other at one point or another. Most people just pretend that it doesn't happen. Your person is going to flat out tell you that your actions and the things that you say embarrass the crap out of them.


7. Your person isn't afraid to knock you down a few notches.

Just when you think that you are on top of the world, your person will come and pop the growing balloon known as your head. They aren't afraid to snap you back into reality.


8. They will build you up faster than they will tear you down.

Yes, they will bring you back to reality and tell you like it is, but they will also be the first one to encourage you and to tell you how wonderful you are.


9. Your person is not afraid to call your bluff.

They will call you out on your BS and make you tell them how you really feel, so they can help fix you.


10. You stick together no matter what.

Even though you get mad at each other, or don't speak for a few days, you will always stick together.


11. In the end, no matter what, no matter who comes in and out of your life, your person will always be your person.

Your person is there no matter what. They care when no one else does and they are always there to hold your hand.

Find your person and never let them go. They are your best friend, your worst enemy, and your biggest critic, but they know you better than you know yourself sometimes.

As for my "person," you know who you are. I love you and couldn't do life without you.

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To My Best Friend At A Rival University

No amount of school rivalry could ever change our friendship.

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In high school, we were practically inseparable- you and I and all of our friends. Even though we saw each other every day during the week (when both of us decided to actually go to school, at least; senioritis was real and it was rough), we usually saw each other at least once over the weekend, whether it be a coffee date at Starbucks, a sleepover, or a trip to the movies.

We would go on spontaneous trips to the local ice cream shop (for us, it was Twistee Treat) far too often for our own good. We spent so many summer days at theme parks, followed by sleepovers that consisted of painting each other's nails, baking break-and-bake cookies, and falling asleep in the middle of 'Men in Black.'

Now, we attend rival universities. The stories we share involve names and places foreign to the other. We each have friends that know us apart from one another. Some days, we hardly get a moment to talk, other than sending funny memes back and forth through Instagram.

Though it may seem like being away at rival schools would hurt our friendship, I think it's only made us closer.

When I come to visit you (or you visit me), we always make the most of our time, knowing that it's limited. We often do the same things we would've done at home, but in new locations, which makes it even more fun. Sometimes, I wish we would've chosen the same school- because having your best friend with you, sharing new experiences is always better than not- but I know we're each happy where we are. We're making new friends and new memories, which makes for new stories to share with one another.

I know that I can share anything with you without fear of judgment, and I think you know the same.

Even though we can't just stop by unannounced anymore, planning weekend trips to visit one another is still really fun.

Sure, we go to rival universities and we will never agree on whose school is superior, but in the grand scheme, it doesn't even matter. Your school is extremely lucky to have you and in my eyes, you are what makes it great.

No matter the distance, no matter how strong the rivalry between our schools, you will always be my best friend and the memories we've cultivated throughout our friendship will never be forgotten. I can't promise I'll wear your school colors again (that was a one-time thing and does not diminish my love and respect for my school!), but I can promise that you'll always have a friend in me.

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