I've been thinking a lot about how to write this. I thought about a book even, I wanted to tell our story. I wanted you to read it from my perspective, and most of all I wanted you to know I forgave you. So here it goes, 10 years of history into one article.
We met going into high school, mutual friends from middle school and as that middle school split into two high schools we grew close the summer before. You became quickly my best friend in the whole world. You kept me sane and navigated my anxiety and depression with me. I remember our sophomore year, a friend of ours passed out at a dance due to her medical problems and as I caught her head from hitting the floor, I screamed your name. You rushed to us, picked her up and took her to the nurse's office. Moments like these forever play back in my mind.
Something about us felt like a movie, best friends that secretly had feelings for each other. However, our feelings weren't so secret, we just wouldn't act on them. I remember your girlfriend swearing I was trying to take you from her, and truth be told I would have never tried so long as you were happy. You and her broke up the end of our junior year of high school, and so when that summer came our relationship began the breakdown.
We tried, we talked and hung out. It was unlike anytime we had hung out before. We were uncomfortable with each other now that the feelings were more out in the open. As we spoke deeply about 'our' potential I logged on to Facebook to see you dating your other best female friend. I was destroyed. I knew that I was always second to her, and never really wanted to fight it. What hurt was you not being honest with me that she was who you wanted. I felt led on and angry but attempted to still talk to you. We took pictures senior day, still texted, you said sorry and repeated you should have told me but I wished you well. However, December came, and you left.
A friend of mine attempted suicide, and I texted you scared and distraught. You didn't answer. I tried to call you crying, but you didn't answer. I remember being so confused because you always answered. There was never a time you didn't just answer, but that day you didn't and for months chose no contact with me. I was so mad at you; how could you do this to me? The girl you swore was your best friend. We graduated high school in 2013, we picked communication up in college when that girl left you, and the guy I planned to marry left me. We talked again about our potential, but nothing happened. I realize now, 6 years later why you left, and I am so sorry and forgive you.
I relied on you, more than I should have and made you a crutch/therapist not a friend. I fell for you because you took care of me when I was broken, and although I know I did the same for you, I can't imagine how draining it must have been. I also know you wouldn't forgive yourself if I asked you too. Something about not taking care of me during that hard time really bothered you, and I'm sorry I put that guilt on you. I'm glad we talk sometimes still, and you were there during high school. We both know had you not been there, I probably wouldn't be here. You spent nights not sleeping just to help me calm down, days filled with texts telling me I would be okay. You were the best friend I could have at the time. So, I forgive you for leaving, and don't blame you one bit.
If we were a movie, we missed our once in a lifetime moment. Looking back, it's probably a good thing. I'm too emotional for you, and you're way too stubborn for me. But thank you, I'm so sorry, and I forgive you. I Just hope you can forgive yourself.
