To the one who walked away,
Eight years you were in my life. You were a part of my family and I was a part of yours. I thought you were the one I would spend my life with and then one night in Nashville you let me see your true colors — the ones you had hidden so well over those years.
It's taken a long time for me to get to this point, but the truth is... I forgive you. I forgive you for walking out on the family you spent eight years creating. I forgive you for walking away when you found out I was pregnant. I forgive you for erasing me like I didn't exist, as if I was just a small moment in time.
But most of all I forgive you... not for you, but for me. If I hadn't forgiven you I would never be able to forgive myself.
So, to the girl who pulled herself up,
Your dreams were just as important...
I forgive you for the fact that you believed his dreams were more important than yours at the time. You did what you thought was best for your relationship. You believed he was the one and that you had your whole life ahead of you. It's OK, and remember not to be too hard on yourself. You were young and in love. You didn't know he would always have a new dream and you would always be pushing yours back.
But it's time now, chase your dreams, be the woman you were meant to be. The strong and loving woman you've always been inside. Create the life you want and don't let anyone get in your way. You can do this and do you know why? Because you are forgiven.
Don't be so hard on yourself. This wasn't your fault. Sure you made mistakes, no one is perfect and you are allowed to.
But at the end of the day you loved him with every ounce of your soul. You pictured your life: you saw your house, your wedding, and your kids.
You didn't know that as you fell deeper he was planning to leave. You didn't know that he was scared of the life you had created. You continued to grow in love as you saw him grow. You continued to push him to follow his dreams. You supported him and took care of the household. You were his rock and he didn't know how to be that for you. You tried everything you thought of to be everything he continued to say he wanted, while still keeping a small part of yourself. In changing, you accepted the small amount of emotion he would show you.
Now you know what you deserve and it's OK because I forgive you. I forgive you for believing you didn't deserve more at the time and for settling. I forgive you for not thinking more of yourself.
It's OK that you had hope. Any mother of her child would have hope that the father would realize what he's doing, but he is not that person. He chose to walk away completely and that was OK. No one blames you for believing that a small part of him thought about you and your son. No one blames you for a small part of you wanting him to care enough and say he made a mistake.
But he's not coming back. He's made his choice and I forgive you for believing in him just a little bit that he would do the right thing and realize what he was losing.
He's drinking and dating while traveling the world. Not a single care in the world and you are here, angry. You are angry that he walked away from you after eight years. You are angry that he blames you for this. You are angry that he lies about you to keep his reputation intact. You are angry that he erased you like a one night stand or some girl who just passed through town. You are angry that he continued to lie to you for his own selfishness. You are angry that you were in love with someone you thought was a good man and who would always be there for you, but then could walk away so easily. You are angry that he let your family down. You are angry that he walked away from a son and that he wants nothing to do with him.
But most of all you are angry with yourself. You gave in to a man who sold a lie to you. He said all the right things, and the way he looked at you made the world disappear. He continued to say small things to make you stay. Sometimes it was "I want to be with you and no one else" and when it was bad enough where he knew he would lose you for good it was "I love you."
Those three words got you every time. Because in eight years you heard them a total of three times.
He knew each one of those times was when he was about to lose you forever and this would make you stay, this would make you forgive him for the emotional abuse you had to deal with. It's OK that you fell for it. You loved him, you loved the man he portrayed himself to be, and you have every right to be angry for the things he has done. It's OK to be angry... scream, shout, break things, throw away everything he gave you, do what you need for closure.
It's OK, because I forgive you. I forgive you for forgetting the strong woman you are and that you deserve more. You did nothing wrong. You just loved the wrong man.
Everything will be OK... This will all work out.
So, to the one who walked away,
By forgiving you I was able to forgive myself. I deserve more, my son deserves more. I know the truth of what happened and realized that I did love you with every ounce of my being. I know that everything will be OK because of the love I am surrounded by and the support system that I have every day shows me this will be OK.
I know that someone will one day support me the same way I support him. My dreams will be his dreams and vice versa. One day I will look back at this as just a faded memory. One day you will wake up, maybe not tomorrow, or next week, maybe it will be years from now while you are driving down the road. That day you will truly wake up and you will realize that you walked away from not one, but two people who loved you unconditionally.
Someone who saw all your faults, everything that scares you, and tried to help you move past them. You will wake up and realize that the roots you were trying so hard to put down were already down and because of your fears you walked away from them. There will come a day when we will cross your mind and you will wonder what could have been. On that day just know we are just fine.
I followed my dreams and we are happy. We didn't need you to be happy, we wanted you to be happy with us, but we are doing just fine. Because I forgive you...
The mother of your child.
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