We don’t understand it. We love these people who don’t love themselves. It is difficult for us to grasp -- purely because we love them so unconditionally. It is impossible to understand why our loved ones, with so much potential and life, would want to hurt themselves rather than better themselves.
This is not to say that addiction is a choice. It is most certainly not a choice, but a disease. Being the family member or a friend of someone who struggles with addiction is next to impossible. In order to deal with addiction, we must first understand it. By attempting to understand it, we place ourselves in their shoes. I, myself, have struggled with coming to terms as to why someone so close to my heart would choose a road so negative.
This is when I finally realized: it isn’t a choice. Yes, it is a choice to drink that alcoholic beverage. Yes, it is a choice to smoke that oddly shaped pipe. Yes, it is a choice to inject that needle. It is not a choice, however, to continue to do so. I suppose this is why it is so difficult for the friends and family of those who struggle with addiction. It is difficult because we want so badly to be there for them and help them, but they don’t always want to accept it.
I felt a great need to write an article on this topic. Before doing so, I decided to research the topic further. I found that nothing truly provides helpful insight or advice for the family and friends of addicts. You learn from experience. This statement has never resonated with me more until I loved someone who continuously chose drugs over work, family, relationships, a better quality of life, happiness. In the moment, I suppose the addict feels happy. However, it is a fake happiness. The sad part is knowing that they know their temporary happiness is just that -- temporary.
So to all the family members/friends struggling to cope with a loved one who suffers from addiction, remember this: it is something we will never completely understand. Whether you choose to stick around and try to help the loved one or you decide it is a toxic situation that you must remove yourself from, remember that it is not your fault. And to those struggling with addiction -- know that you have good and kind people who are there for you and love you very much. As much as you may be hurting, it does hurt loved ones to know you are going through this kind of pain and suffering.
It hurts because we see your true potential even though you might not. It hurts because we love you and don’t want to ever see you hurt or, God forbid, six feet under. It hurts because you amount to so much more and we see that, whether you do or not. Just know that we love you, even when you don’t love yourself.
