Family. Something that is evolving every day. For some they have the opportunity to have their parents in the same household. Some visit one on the weekends. Then there’s those who lost a parent and gained a step parent in the process. I am not going to lie, some people have great step parents, others might not. As someone who has a stepfather, I can tell you the journey is not easy. There are steps to make this process easier for you.
First, don’t forget where you came from. If you didn’t know your mom or dad well like I did, then find out as much as you can about them. You want to know as much as you can that way you have an idea of what that person was like. Generally, you can ask family or people who knew them. This will help you figure out who you are biologically and to understand that you didn’t come from nowhere.
As someone who didn’t get along with their stepdad at first, I would say the next tip would be to be open-minded. If they have different rules or beliefs than you’re accustomed to, learn to respect that. This is the chance to see each other’s point of views and adapt to each other. I personally had a long period of refusing to adapt to him and it took a good decade to accept it.
Even though they might not be your biological parent, they still learn to love you. I have a half brother and sister. I always felt as though I was the black sheep of the family. I always felt I was blamed for anything and everything. I finally was able to realize maybe he just wants what’s best for me. So talk to them and know that they love you even if you are not theirs. I can say now I feel way more included than I used to be. It did take some controversy and problem solving but in the end, it worked out.
One of the hardest things to overcome to is the role of the stepparent coming and trying to be a replacement. It is up to you whether or not you want to allow that. Consider your options and don’t rush. Some stepparents realize what you are experiencing and will be there for you. You just have to know what is best for you, and what steps you should take to make everything as normal as you can possibly make it.
Lastly, respect them, whether you want to call them mom or dad or not, they do have guardianship over you now. Learn to respect them even when you have disagreements and conflict. I had problems with this and I wish I could have changed that sometimes. Just know that they are responsible for you so don’t ignore them.
It can be hard gaining a stepparent, but there are plenty of us out there who have been in the same shoes as you. We do have different experiences with it. However, everyone that has one, can tell you it shaped them for better or for worse and made them who they are today.
