Being a college student, I’ve heard so many horror stories about rape and sexual assault. This is for the ones who knew their attacker. It is so hard now, but you are worth so much more than what this person decided to do to you.

You never thought it could happen to you. You knew all the rules.

“Never walk by yourself at night, stay in well-lit areas, and always carry pepper spray.”

But none of that stopped him.

You were in your bedroom when it happened. You were dressed in sweats and you were two inches taller than him.

You remember thinking that was funny.

You both talked but mostly you just stared at one another. You told him that you had a paper due the next day. His smile changed.

He moved and his lips dominated yours. You couldn’t breathe. You froze when he got on top of you. His weight was like a mountain on your chest.

He tried to take your shirt off.

“No. I don’t want more than a kiss.” But he didn’t listen.

He took your clothes off and touched you, his hands too rough to be considered a caress.

“No, stop, this isn’t what I want, get off of me.” You can’t get the words out. You’re crying now. This isn’t the boy you knew.

“Just let me stick in it. I want to take care of you. Baby you’re so tight.”

When he said those words, you snapped.

“You need to leave. You need to get out.”

He scurried out like a cockroach. He left behind a skin, a shell, a panic attack with no resolution.

You haven’t seen him since. You don’t go out at night, you’re always aware of your surroundings. Your mind is never quiet.

He took something from you, but not the things that you are.

He cannot take your compassion, your ability to make your little siblings laugh. He didn’t tamper with your love of Chinese food-- was locked out of you’re the stories laying on the tips of your fingers as they wait to be written.

He didn’t take the things that make you, you.

You’re still fighting, even if your entire being is telling you to give up. You just push harder.

Today, he is your mountain, a challenge you have to climb to find the beauty of life again.

But tomorrow, he will only be a passing storm. Something that came, created a mess, and left you with water to create an even better garden.

All too often this is the case for both male and female college students alike. If you've been assaulted, please report it and talk to the people on your campus. The advocates and counseling services will work for you until you are ready to report, and make your life slowly return to normal. Please know you are never alone. Someone cares, and is waiting to help you.

Until next time,

Ash