To the One Who Got Away,

As I go into this year, I begin to realize there are some people and things that I wish I could undo. Things I wish I would not have said. There is so much history between us despite the short months we spent together. There is so much that happened between us that can not be ignored nor erased.

We met on a spur of the moment. You approached me with a lame pickup line that began with the phrase, "Wassup shawty." Despite I cringe at the cheesy nickname, I still can't help but smile when I think back during our first encounter.

It's funny when thinking back to the beginning of us. You were so persistent even though I was mean. I was never mean enough to hurt your feelings, but I told you the truth. I had been hurt enough times by enough sweet guys--I was not looking for another. I had been used for fleeting moments and temporary use by the guys before and then discarded away when thicker thighs walked by, and I was sick of it. You still wanted to hang out with me even though I never wanted anything more. We talked about anything and everything. I mean, even though most of our talks resulted in arguments rather than actual conversation. However, our petty arguments were never enough to rip us apart.

So despite the occasional pointless banter between us, we had no problems. Yet, the longer we went on, the more I became attached. You had turned yourself into someone I could consider my best friend. You had become the guy I had opened myself up to. I don't mean in that you know everything about me. I mean you had become the guy I was not afraid to snort in laughter around. He became that guy I would Facetime first when something exciting happened. You became the guy that I used to find unattractive but now I was comparing to every other guy who approached me.

I got scared.

The last time I had done this, I was traded out for a bigger and better woman. Refusing to be out looking dumb again.

I pushed you away, saying I was feeling suffocating and blaming it on you. I told you I wanted some space, and you gave it to me.

But that felt even worse. It felt like I was missing the left side of me--as if the other half of me was colder than the rest of me, so I begged for you to come back.

And you did, but it still wasn't the same. You were mine when we were together. You were someone who was my lover, my best friend, my soulmate. We matched together in an irrefutable kind of way. Things between us were so comfortable that it felt like the crooning of Frank Sinatra.

However, when we went to the outside world, too many eyes were on us. Too many eyes were on us as neither one of us could get our feelings in check long enough to figure out what we were doing with one another. You found another woman to show that you did not need me. I began talking to other guys to show I was not gonna be broken down and toyed with again.

Things never got better. Our relationship went through more hardships that brought us closer together even though we always wanted to tear apart. We were stretched by the seams until the fight became too much. We played tug-of-war with it all until we decided, being separated was the only thing we could have until we could assess ourselves.

Too many things had happened. Too many mistakes were between us. The only thing we were able to do was run away from each other so we could detonate on our own.

Now, we sit in a pit of our own misery. We both are in agony as we pretend like our brief months filled with a surplus of memories. We talk on the phone, but we disregard our entire past to avoid picking into our old scars.

Despite you being so close to home, I consider you the one who got away. Our love had the potential to become one for the books, but now it would be something risen from the dead. I think about you every day, and I hope for the day that it will stop. Until then, I am always here--only a phone call away whenever you need me. I'll probably be here for a while.

Sincerely,

Me