Dear Men,
Dear Strangers,
We have somehow crossed paths and our encounter has now taken a sudden turn. You’ve stopped me along my way only to regurgitate the words of many men before you: “Hey beautiful, why don’t you smile a little?” “Smile for me.” “You’d look so much prettier if you smiled." Or my absolute favorite being: “Smile baby, and while you’re at it, can I get your number?”
With time, you will learn to be careful what you ask, for not every woman will smile at your request. You will also understand that your not so innocent requests are often times irritating and a silent joke among friends. Don’t believe me?
Ask the reporter who asked Serena Williams why she was not smiling following a win in the U.S. Open. Serena politely responded, “To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t want to be here,” she said. “I just want to be in bed right now and I have to wake up early to practice. And I don’t want to answer any of these questions, and you guys keep asking me the same questions. It’s not really — you’re not making it super enjoyable. Just being honest.”
I’m sure you don’t intend harm or for me to become irate with you. You probably see these statements as being a suitable way to cheer me up or to even attempt to have a conversation. Stop. Rethink this approach because it is not the right way. When I hear your retorts, I mean, efforts to make me smile, it truly bothers me and here is why. First, I do not know you. We have no connection whatsoever. I do not know you from Adam and here you are, trying to make me smile. If I do smile, it’s probably to make you go away.
Secondly, it makes me feel as if you are trying to control me. Let me elaborate. Women are controlled by men, directly and indirectly. Examples of this are trends, articles aimed at how to attract men, dress codes in schools, gender roles, gender inequality in the workplace. Men are seen as the dominant, the gender in control. Except, my body, my thoughts, and my emotions are all mine, and when I am told to smile, I feel as that control I have is compromised. Not because I will necessarily smile, but because you believed you the power to control my emotions.
I am capable of feeling emotions. I am able and entitled to display emotions other than happiness. My facial expression does not determine if I am nice or caring; nor does it enhance my inner or outer beauty. Yes, I am someone’s daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin, godmother, and these are all important crucial labels and hats that I wear at all times, but I am someone as well. I am my own individual and that in itself should be enough for you to respect me enough to just say,” Hello,” while making a mental note to yourself, to smile.
